Thursday, January 29, 2009

Dear People who are supposed to be my friends,
I am now officially sick of you. I know, I know, it is unchristian of me. I've tried and tried to make excuses for your poor behavior. Unfortunately, it's getting worse and I can no longer cover for you. I am now officially ashamed to call you my friends. Not only that, but you are becoming a danger to someone I love and I can no longer enable you.
When my dying father moved in with me, I told him about what wonderful people you were and what great friends you were. When his health started actually getting better, instead of deteriorating as expected, I came out of my sleep-deprived stupor to tell myself that the reason you didn't offer to help was because you were so busy with your own's ok, we all know busy...I'm busy's cool (even though you were living in my house almost rent free so you could build your own little nest). I am a giver, that's what I do.
When I started taking dad to church, it was a little embarassing that only a handful of people actually talked to him, rather than talking to me about him as if he wasn't even there. He has a lung disease, not mental issues...oh, and his hearing works just fine. I didn't say anything when you offered to take him out for coffee to get him out of the house a bit and to give me a break.....and then showed up two and a half years later, shamefacedly admitting that you were busy..... and STILL not actually taking him for coffee. You know he is a pretty cool guy and I love him a lot. I think he could have been a good friend to you, even in his less healthy state. I think he was looking forward to getting out on his own without me hovering over him. Now .....he's just pissed and doesn't want anything to do with you. When I tell you now that I don't think it would be a good idea for you to visit him, it's because I'm protecting you (I know, I know....I don't know why either). I don't want you to have to deal with a grumpy old man that YOU let down.
But when I tell you that I don't want you to visit him weekly to make sure he has some connection to the church (you know, the one that doesn't bother to get to know him...where the preacher who baptised him never really even bothered to introduce himself...yeah, that one....) because it is flu season and the doctor says he can't stand getting pneumonia too many more times.....I MEAN IT. I don't mean for you to sneak in the back door of my house and visit him in his apartment without me knowing. I don't need you to tell him the reason you hadn't visited him recently is because his daughter told you that you weren't allowed to visit. Again, referring to his mental issues (or lack there of).....he's not stupid. He knows that I asked you not to visit. He told you it was mainly because his doctor recommends that he limit his exposure to the public, ESPECIALLY DURING FLU SEASON. It doesn't help when you tell him that you are just getting over some sickness yourself. I know we have sick kids in our household right now....thank you for generously bringing one of them home for me, but there are several sicknesses going around right now and now I have to worry about us getting another one. Now I have to worry about him getting sick more so than usual.
Dear friend, you aren't the one who has to take care of him. You aren't the one who has to juggle household chores, a 4 year old, 3 teenagers, 2 cats, 2 dogs and a husband who travels 5 days a week for work while going back and forth to the hospital so he doesn't get bored or feel like we've forgotten him, yet also worrying about the family left at home waiting for supper....forget about the dozens of meals that I've cooked for those who are sick at church and in need of help. (We've discontinued that program because, you know, we are all convenient.) You aren't the one who has to watch as the steroids they pump through him send his blood sugar to 450, knowing that 250 could possibly put him in a coma. You aren't the one who has to sit there wondering if this is the last time you will see him alive and how to explain that to your 4 year old. You also aren't the one who has to give your very private father a shower when he is released because he is too weak to do it himself. And you don't have to figure out how to pay his hospital bill on his very  limited income. But hey, you sure are good at moral support. If I hear about what a great person I am one more time I am gonna puke. So make sure you step back so the backsplash doesn't hit you.
Dear people who are supposed to be my friends,
Do me a favor, don't love me so much. I can't stand it. And don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
Your friend,
Little Miss "I-just-don't-know-how-you-do-all-you-do"


Marinka said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible.

cw2smom said...

You needed that!! Bless your heart, I hope things are better soon!

Christy said...

God how awful. So sorry. Glad you have this forum to vent in - sounds like you really need it. ugh.

country mouse said...

Dear Little Miss,
I'm printing this out and giving it to my friend who is wearing herself to a frazzle taking care of her dying father because what else is she going to do? Of course she's going to take care of him, just like you are.

I don't know whether it will cheer her up to know she's not the only one in this precarious boat, but I know she'll nod and say "yes, YES!" as she reads it.

--country mouse