Saturday, January 31, 2009

Morning Routine Whine

During the week, this is what my morning routine looks like:

1. Wake the kids.
2. Make breakfast.
3. Make lunch for kids.
4. Tell the kids to get up.
5. Unload the dishwasher from the night before.
6. Look adoringly in the mirror.
7.  Yell at kids to get up.
8.  Yell at kids to shut the hell up and eat their breakfast.
9.  Write note to babysitter about afterschool activities, etc.
10. Tell kids to bring their plates to the sink.
11.  Tell kids to brush their teeth.
12.  Tell kids to get dressed.
13.  Take a shower, get dressed, throw some war paint on face.
14.  Tell kids that no one in their fucking right mind wants to go to school, but they're going anyway.
15.  Yell at kids that yes, they have to wear a coat because it's 10 degrees outside.
16.  Tell daughter that yes, hats do ruin hair styles but I don't care.
17.  Get kids out the door.
18 . Walk kids to school.
19.  Collapse in nervous exhaustion.

Here is what Husbandrinka's morning routine is like:

1. Wake up and stretch!  Yawn!  What a yummy night's sleep!
2. Put on cozy slippers and mosey out to the kitchen!  The coffee smells yummy!
3.  Have breakfast while reading The New York Times.  It has all the news that's fit to print.
4.  Rustle kids' hair as they are running by.  Those rascals are sure adorable!
5.  Say hi to the Little Woman (disclaimer: does not refer to her actual size).
6.  Shower and get ready for work.  Captain of Industry is on his way!
7.  Say goodbye to fam--oh, they must have gone already.


6 comments:

Kerry said...

Oh lord, I was laughing so hard about so much of this because step by step it is my morning. But I must add - sometimes my husband miraculously sleeps until the minute the front door shuts. Then he walks into the kitchen and says "Are the kids gone already?"

Brian said...

My wife avoids the whole comparison by leaving before anybody else wakes up. In her weaker moments, she tries to play this off as a hardship.

MommyTime said...

Apart from the New York Times, and the fact that I actually have to dress my children since they aren't old enough to completely dress themselves, this is totally my morning. Also, because of that, I have no time for makeup. And sometimes Husband gets up very early so that he can play video games while I go 300 rounds of "put on your boots not your sandals." I'm not trying to compete for worst morning, only offering moral support to suggest we may be married to the same man and thus should coordinate to have kid duty for all four kids every other day.

Kirsten said...

Um yeah. That sounds very familiar.

ella said...

Why? why? why is it so universally the same!!??
And here you are spoilin' my fantasy about the chic Ney York life I COULD be living if only I weren't chained to my sorry-ass family.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

why did I read this and get reminded all over again..dammiT!!