Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dear Control Freak

I understand that you want the best for your children and are concerned for their health and yours. I understand that you are frustrated by the processed crap given to your kids by daycare and public schools. Really, I do. But when I invite you over for dinner, and even give you some menu options beforehand so I can accommodate your control issues AS A GOOD FRIEND SHOULD, do NOT for the love of God say no and then bring your own fucking food to my dinner table. If you don't want to eat what I cook then don't accept my invitation.

And by the way I really hate to point this out, but have you noticed that your white-flour-free, white-sugar- free, red-food-dye-free, red-meat-free, mercury-free, pesticide-free, lead-free, chlorine-free, high-fructose-corn-syrup-free, totally antiseptic kids are sick ALL THE FUCKING TIME? Give them some damn nutrients for godsakes. Meatballs coated with velveeta and tainted peanut butter and rolled in red sugar crystals.

My treat.

Signed, Don't worry about the invitation because you won't get another one,
i.e. Your Friend


Anonymous said...

Are you friends with my SIL?

ShallowGal said...

At last a whine that I can feel confident isn't secretly meant for me.

xoxo, SG

Issa said...

I love this whine. Love it. I am completely with you.

Maura said...

Whoa. I would be dumbfounded by someone bringing their own food when it isn't a potluck. Can't say as I blame you for never extending another invitation.