Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Eyebrow Rant

What is with those women who not only pluck their eyebrows so narrow that it looks like a stiff breeze could blow them off their faces, but also shape them into an inverted V? I have news for you ladies: eyebrows like that look like they belong on a jack-o-lantern. I see you waltzing around on some of my favorite TV shows (I'm looking at you, skinny bisexual chick on House, and at you, lovely redhead on Private Practice), and two things happen. First, I think to myself that you are doing a disservice to women everywhere by being all hot and famous and on TV every week sporting eyebrows that look permanently surprised and fierce. And then, almost immediately, those eyebrows make me unreasonably irritated.I see them and I get instantly grouchy. It's like the skinny pointy mountains over your eyes become piercing arrows and poke into me nonstop, goading. It's like those eyebrows are saying, "See? Look how hideous we are, and yet we're plastered across such a lovely face, atop such a hot body, within such a rich and glamorous life, that we can be even more hideous than no eyebrows at all, and the women who wear us will STILL be hotter than you. Take that, you frumpy, dumpy, Brooke-Shields-eyebrows lady in the Midwest."  And then I just want to hit something.  So please, for the sake of fashion and sanity everywhere, remember this: your eyebrows do not have to be as skinny as your ass to be stylish.

And no one looks good with witchy points over her eyes.

I'm not afraid to own this one. You can sign me MommyTime.

6 comments:

Ann's Rants said...

I'm Bert and I endorse this message!

Marinka said...

You're so right! Hey, I wonder how Andy Rooney's doing?

Comedy Goddess said...

At least my eyebrows match my ass. Plump and firm. Yay me!

ingrid said...

aw come on. the permanently surprised look is seeexeh.

MommyTime said...

Ann (Bert) & Marinka: thank you.

Comedy Goddess: mine too!

Ingrid: sigh. Apparently the make up "artists" who do the plucking think so. Hmmm...maybe I should have addressed this rant to them.

Christy said...

They remind me of commas and they scream white trash.