Thursday, February 26, 2009

Featured Whine: Fawty

I discovered Fawty's blog a few months ago and I haven't been the same since. She is one of the bloggers that makes me laugh, even when she's commenting and I'm grateful to her for making so many of my days better. But fortunately she's also a fabulous whiner. And that's good for all of us.

I’m worried about my health.

Recently, the voices in my head seem to be getting louder and more frequent.

They just come out of nowhere and seem to take over nearly all my interactions. I discussed it with my doctor, but he said that it happens naturally as you get older.

Nevertheless, it really unnerves me.

I was at the supermarket the other day, and as I got to the check-out, this sweet young guy at the till said;

‘Good morning ma’am, how are you this morning?’

Mind your own fucking business and get on with it will you!

‘Very well thank you’ I replied ‘How are you?’

‘I’m not feeling too good today.’ He said.

Like I give a shit! Trust me, I have enough of my own problems buddy.

‘I’m sorry to hear that’ I said ‘What’s the problem?’

‘I am so tired, I was here at 4.00am this morning’ said the young man.

4.00am? What a whiner. You obviously don’t have any children yet.

‘I’m sorry to hear that’ I said. ‘You must be exhausted’

That’s five hours of sitting on your ass talking crap to the customers.

‘Yes I am’ he said, trying to stifle a yawn.

Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Put you bloody hand in front of your mouth when you are yawning!

‘Well – I’m sure you will be able to go home soon,’ I said smiling. ‘Then you can relax and put your feet up’.

Lazy, bloody good-for-nothing young people of today.

‘Yes’ he said ‘Only two more hours and I’m finished’

Christ – your badge should say Hi I’m a talker – not Hi I am Chris! That way people can know to avoid you.

With that he handed me my change and said ‘Thank you for chatting to me, it makes the time go so much faster’

What a twat!

‘It’s a pleasure’ I said with a big smile ‘Enjoy the rest of your day’


16 comments:

countrymouse said...

You and I share the same inner voices . . . well, maybe not *exactly* the same--my inner voices swear like prisoners in a riot.

Braja said...

My inner voice has obviously moved to Britain and has taken you out shopping.

Love it.

Anonymous said...

im 26 and the voices are pretty damn loud.

CSY said...

Inner voices? Don't we all get them when we get married? Then the voices multiply and get LOUDER when you have children? No? It's just me? ARE YOU SURE?

Comedy Goddess said...

Well played.

Ruthie said...

yeah, one voice for each irritant we live with ... so if you married really young you're royally screwed!

MommyTime said...

Ahahah! You should hear what my inner voices say to my husband before I've had my morning coffee. It's not nice. But it's pretty honest.

Heather said...

Don't tell me it was Tesco's. I think its part of their training to annoy the shit out of the customers who just don't want to talk.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Geez! That sounds just like my voice. Except, sometimes I say it aloud accidently and Hubster has to put me in the corner and spank me. I actually don't mind the spanking part, but the corner can suck it!

Anna Russell said...

There are problems though when your inner voice is saying:

"Please don't try to make small talk, please don't try to make small talk, please...

"How are you today?"

"Fuck!"

Then you realise the last part was your outer voice.

Great post Belle (naturally)

Maelstrom said...

"Wonderful post Belle!"

(Jesus, I can't believe I really clicked over here to read this.)

"That guy was a real turd."

(I hope everyone you see all day long draws you into the same dull conversation.)

"It was nice of you to oblige him."

(Too bad he has no clue what a bitch you really are.)

Manic Mommy said...

HAH! Well played, indeed!

michelle said...

It is amazing how you can erad the thoughts in my mind? I have to talk to my voices and tell them to stop talking to strangers!

Bad voices, bad, bad, voices!

buffalodick said...

If you get really good at it, you can insult them- and they won't even know it!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Freaks.

Why stifle the voices THEY WANT TO BE HEARD.

Anonymous said...

There is a cashier girl at my grocery store that I basically avoid, even if she has no one line and I have to stand behind 2 other cart fulls. She's been taught some manners, she will ask every customer "How are you today?" I have also been taught manners and I always follow up my reply with "How are you?" Without fail this girl will launch into what a bad day she is having for various reasons. When a complete stranger asks you how you are doing, you reply with "Fine" or "Good" because I guarentee you a perfect stranger doesn't give a FUCK how you really feel.