Sunday, February 8, 2009

Guess I've been collecting these for a while...

Dearest, wonderful husband,
   I am tired of you "promising" to "take care of things" and then not getting around to it until I flip out, at which point you step in pissily to take over and show me how unreasonable I'm being. I think leaving 2 inches of water to stagnate under the sink without telling me was stupid. Agreeing to clean it before the plumber shows up, only for me to find out you hadn't (24 hours later) with the plumber standing there telling me I have to clean it out first was just plain being a jerk. Stop leaving dirty diapers on the changing table. Stop stepping on crap on the floor and complaining about it, only to sit at the computer on your 'off time' (read: home time) while your toddler rips the place apart and then look surprised when I come home and promptly flip the hell out again about the mess that *you said you would clean*. On that note, stop offering to help. It pisses me off a lot less than you not following through. thanks.

My lovely sisters,
  I am tired of your problems. I'm tired of your fighting, and your passive-aggresive behaviour, and I'm really tired of hearing about it. That time when you ripped out each other's hair and threw punches, while screaming insults? That was pretty low. It's sad that two (mostly) functioning adults can't work out their own damn problems, and that you are both still using the "but she did this/that/the other" to excuse your own stupid crap. Also, stop dating losers, or at least stop telling us about it until you've broken up. Oh, and Miss not-paying-any-damn-rent, stop harrassing your roomate over her personal life. It's none of your damn business, and everyone is tired of hearing about it. Hypocrite. Also, stop blaming our parents for your problems, and then demanding more money out of them "because they can afford it". Actually, thanks to you, they probably can't. I cannot wait until you move out and actually have to support yourself. No, I will not be giving you any money. Although I wish you all the luck in the world.

Kid,
  Could you please wait just one more damn hour until your dad gets home to decide you want him RIGHT NOW? It's really f-ing annoying, and no doubt it's pissing off the neighbours too, who are tired of your random screaming. Just watch TV, for the love of all that is holy, and stop climbing on me.

My Fellow Students,
   Wash your damn hands. For that matter, wash the rest of you and your clothes, but especially wash your damn hands. I'm tired of coupling insult with injury by catching whatever virus you're smearing all over the bus after having to ride 15 minutes inhaling your putrescence. Although, wait, thanks to you, I haven't been able to inhale normally for two weeks. So, thanks! Problem solved! Smelly, disgusting jackasses. I blame your parents for not teaching you basic hygiene. Also, stop talking about porn in detail while complaining about how gross it is. At the top of your high-pitched lungs. On the bus. Shut Up. I will snap and kill you. And then claim you killed each other in some sort of pornographic suicide pact. and the other riders WILL BACK ME UP.

Parents + Grandma,
   I am blessed to have you in my life. Stop guilting me about not seeing/calling you. I'm pregnant, in school, taking care of a toddler and moving. Why don't YOU pick up the damn phone? Also, how about you not start the conversation with "I haven't HEARD from you in SO LONG, you know I LOVE you SO MUCH, and it just HURTS me that...". Shut up. I love you, but shut up. Also, come clean my house. Without commenting on it. I know I live in filth; at this point it's either keep ahead of the mess or keep everyone in it alive. I'm going with "feed the toddler" for now. Maybe of DH could get off his...nah. Not going to happen.

Much Love, -Anonymous

5 comments:

dizzblnd said...

WOW girl! I hope you fell a little better! I think this is the cheapest form of therapy

blognut said...

Whoo! I sense a little anger there.

K.Line said...

Man,I've been there on all these fronts and I sympathise. It will get better. Promise.

Anonymous said...

I do feel so much better. Is it sad that the only venting outlet I have is an anonymous blog? Yes, yes it is.

Maura said...

Sounds like you've been holding all that in for a while! Please come back and vent whenever the mood strikes. :-)