Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Hey, Human Cuisinart!

Chew with your mouth closed.  I'm sure that pile o' chow you have in front of you is delicious.  Maybe hanging your jaw open and breathing over the food makes it taste better.  Like  people do with fine wine.  Taking that into consideration, I understand how chewing with your mouth open might enhance the dining experience.  But I'm going to have to insist that if you can't hold those lips together during meals, you're going to have to dine in the closet.  I'm tired of looking at your masticated mess.

7 comments:

Marinka said...

Whoever posted this, I love you. Marry me. (especially if you're loaded. And handsome. And male. And don't mind that I'm already married).

p.s. I'm flexible on the "male".

Comedy Goddess said...

Nicely done.
Churning your food is deplorable.

Braja said...

Marinka it was me. Marry me.

Jodi said...

No, it was me. Can I bring my kids and come visit NYC and stay with you for 3 days?

Ayana said...

OMG, my husband SWEARS he can taste better when he does this HORRIFYING little open-mouthed-lip-smacking-quick-chew thing that I HATE. Seriously. Picture it. And cringe. He only does it when taking the first bite of a new dish, or when trying to distinguish a particular spice or flavor or something. But it's awful. So that whole part about how "Maybe hanging your jaw open and breathing over the food makes it taste better..." Yeah. I can't quite bring myself to laugh at that bit. Not so funny when you have to live with it. Sigh...

Maura said...

SO glad I read that just as I'm about to go eat lunch...

Little Miss said...

Oh, I can so relate to this one. My foreign exchange student eats so loudly that my husband won't sit at the same table with him anymore. My dad, who was in his own room with the tv on, could hear him eating and said what is that noise? How can anyone eat that loudly? When I finally brought the subject up with him, he says oh yes, my mother complains about this too....and continues eating.