Monday, February 2, 2009

Me & Me whining about Marley & Me (Warning: plot spoilers to follow)

This Week's First Featured Whine is from Ann, of Ann's Rants. I've been reading her rantings for a while and I'm never disappointed. Please check her out!

Marley & Me is supposed to be about a dying dog, not about how I should have a third child because it will finally be the girl that the first two were supposed to be. While it normalizes the difficulties of young family life, the take-home message lies not in delusions like “If she looks that good post-partuming at Owen Wilson, perhaps I look that hot when I rage at my husband!”
While they desperately search for their family dog, I should not rue my decision to buy cheap-ass Sporto boots, while Jen prances around in her adorably durable Sorels.

When Marley visits the vet, I should not have stood up and shouted “Save yourself a grand and try grocery store pet food!” Marley had a seriously twisted stomach, whereas I have a bulimic fur-skeleton (cat) for whom I just spent a fortune in diagnostics, only to find out he really prefers Fancy Feast over Iams.

How come in the end, I still fantasize about spontaneously allowing our indoor cats to become outdoor cats on subzero nights?

Oh, and while you peruse your homemade scrapbook of Owen’s columns for comfort, do you ever want to tear it to bits, pulling your hair out and screaming “I was a front page news writer for fuck’s sake, and I gave it all up to walk around in this sweater coat all day!”
Jennifer, I don’t care how sentimental you are. Gold necklaces do not belong on doggy corpses. Oh, and I liked your nose better before. I still think you're pretty and funny, okay? Time to settle down now. Forget John Mayer.




That Janie Girl said...

You're funny!

Marinka said...

I thought everyone preferred Fancy Feast to Iams. It's fancy, you know!

Unknown said...

Uh-Oh.... It's a bad sign that watching a movie about a completely destructive dog got you thinking about a 3rd child.... Don't you see that this movie is a sign that you might have a third BOY? Who is hyperactive? And who might very well be mentally-challenged?? And no matter how much of a heart of gold he may have, he will still cause you to weep in sheer frustration???

Why didn't someone show me this goddammed movie before I had a third boy!?!?!?

Everyday Goddess said...

I am running from this movie. I do not want to be grief stricken by the loss of a dog. Ever again. I couldn't agree more about Jen. Jon Mayer is creepy.

Ann Imig said...

Apparently next year on this very day I will post this exact same whine and you all will post these exact same comments.

Captain Dumbass said...

If my fish get sick I flush them. My kids hide their grief by bouncing up and down begging to go to the pet store. They're such troopers.

I miss 1st and 2nd season Friends curvy Jen.

Everyday Goddess said...

I love that Captain Dumbass has his priorities in line. Or curves I mean.