Monday, February 9, 2009

My Darling Husband,
 
Remember how when we first got together and every day was Valentine's Day? Remember how I used to act like you were going off to war every time we parted?  And you know how you whine now that I don't show you enough attention/affection/love? 
 
WELL FUCKING GET OVER IT!!!  God, are you really that dense? Where are the superior logical skills that all the magazines say men have over women?  I wouldn't mind so much being the breadwinner if you actually did something useful around the house.  Well, I take care of the dogs, you say.  THEN WHY DOES ONE OF THEM PISS IN THE HOUSE ON A DAILY BASIS, NOT TO MENTION GETTING ONE OF THE OTHER DOGS PREGNANT SO THAT NOW WE NOT ONLY HAVE 3 DOGS (which, by the way, cost a lot to feed) BUT ALSO ELEVEN PUPPIES!!?? AND YOU WANT TO KEEP ONE!?  Well, I do the laundry.  THEN WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A MOUNTAIN OF IT IN THE BASEMENT AND I HAVE NOT HAD A MATCHING PAIR OF SOCKS IN SIX MONTHS?  Calm down, I also take care of the yard and shovel in the winter.  THESE ARE THINGS YOU ENJOY DOING. THAT WAS THE DEAL - I DON'T SHOVEL YOU DON'T DO DISHES.  But, I work in the summer.  AND WHERE DOES THAT MONEY GO?  I SURE DON'T SEE ANY OF IT!!  AND NOW YOU WANT TO GET DIRECT TV EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR A BAG OF DOG FOOD RIGHT NOW!!
 
So yes, my dear husband, the rose is off the bloom and I see things so much clearer after 12 years of marriage. You are handsome (in the summer when you shave the mountain man beard) and you can be very charming but I have already raised my kids and am not feeling up to the challenge of raising another so you'll forgive me if I am tired after working all day to support your dumb ass and don't feel like snuggling up to you in the evening after I know you have spent your day watching Judge Judy. 
 
Sincerely,
 
Your disillusioned wife

3 comments:

...love Maegan said...

I'm sorry but this is fucking brilliant! I mean seriously, why do men think it's okay to name the 1-5 things they actually do DO and not think that you {the wife} is doing anything even close to what they are doing ....except that in reality you're doing TEN TIMES MORE!! errrggg

WackyGrandma said...

Thanks! I needed some affirmation that I'm not just being an unreasonable bitch!

Ruthie said...

mine does dishes, some laundry (usually putting it on .. that's right, throwing it in the machine, pressing a few buttons and going back to his computer ... I men, back to his other universe ) makes the odd meal (so he won't have to do dishes because we have a rule about the cook not washing up ... and he's done all the housework. What, he's BLIND? He can read his computer screen but all the dirt goes unnoticed? He really believes the house isn't a tip because he washes up and puts on laundry? (Splutter) good thing I love the man.