Monday, February 9, 2009

my ex girlfriend's new girlfriend

I just found out  that none of my friends like you.
I was supposed to like you because we all have to be nice to the new girlfriend. Especially me, the ex, who everyone is watching to see how I welcome you. They are watching to see if I have a meltdown and throw myself on you with handbag flailing ripping your hair like a 50's bitch fight. Not that I don't want to, but I frankly you're not worth the energy.
Thing is, I don't like you.
Especially since I am the OLD girlfriend, feeling extra old right now because you are ten years younger. But I look better.
I am supposed to be nice to you. I even tried to bond early on, about fabrics and hair and how great it must be to have all that curly hair, even though your just a wog chick and couldn't get it straight if your short little life depended on it.
And that laugh? Who let the cockatoos in here? I nearly snapped a vertebrae whipping round to see where that noise came from. I thought maybe you'd set your tiny dress on fire. We don't need to see your white panties love. It's a fucking picnic, not a catwalk.
But no, no one was alight. It was just you laughing. Constantly. Over and over again our ambience was pierced by your cry.
Now listen chick, STRAIGHT girls laugh like that, their squeals of laughter hit notes guaranteed to shatter glass. And they flick their hair. Don't you know you bore the butches senseless with those games, you vacuous bag? If you got your attention away from yourself long enough you'd see your reflection in their glazed eyes. They have fallen into a coma waiting for you to stop talking.
And speaking of tiny dresses, good thing you are a designer and sew all your own clothes. You must be a good seamstress. What sort of thread do you use? Must be great quality to stand up to the tremendous pressure those seams must have. You looked like a cobalt blue sausage.
I hope that leash you have her on snaps in your face. At least my leash was a real one when I was with her.
Now that beats a $180 therapy session.


Marinka said...

Are you saying that the cobalt blue sausage look is not in right now?!?

Maura said...

Eh, I say jump on her and start that 50s bitch fight. Sounds like she could use a new hairdo anyway, so rip away!