Tuesday, February 17, 2009

To all those potheads out there in the world:

Get a life. I sat in front of one of you guys today in the auditorium, and you were teaching a freshmen whose never smoked before, Marijuana 101. I couldn't help but listen, because there was absolutely nothing else to do.

You told the freshmen all about the science in growing pot, like how to make the different types. Like, Pineapple Express, for instance. The freshmen then asks if that is a real type, you say yes, but you say it isn't all that great. You tell them pot is "not a drug, but God's creation." Completely natural, you say.

 "Pot doesn't kill brain cells, so if anyone ever tells you that, they're fucking retarded. All pot does is make you think critically about one thing, and you get the answer from within yourself. . . .Like, for instance, if I was high right now, and I was wondering why stop signs are red, I'd soon get the answer."

Wow.I mean, wow.  Really? Is pot really, really worth it? MAN. I am missing out.

I listen more, because this conversation about pot was just too good to pass up.

"I'm like, a fucking master at the green," you then go on. I laugh to myself.

Then you start naming off random facts about pot, like, "a small pot plant produces more oxygen than a normal 8-foot tree does." or "THC is a natural relaxer."

You told the freshmen you invest nearly all the money you earn from work into pot, bowls, "paper" (I learned that today too. Paper is what you use to roll joints.)

As if that is a cool thing to do.


Honestly? Why not save that money up for a car? Something useful, huh?

Why do you want to get high first thing in the morning before school, and just daze off,  with eyes glazed over for most of the day? Why do you want to REEK of it? I don't care how much axe or tag body spray you soak yourself in, you still smell like shit, roadkill and vomit mixed together.

What really got to me was when you told the freshmen you were failing your first three classes, but you didn't know why.

Do you know how badly I wanted to turn around and scream in your face, "Because you're a fucking lazy-ass, doped-up dumbfuck who thinks pot will solve all your problems!"

I don't care whether or not it kills your brain cells, or makes you think critcally, calms you down, gets you hungry, is all natural, perfectly safe and is just " fucking awesome".

Marijuana is ILLEGAL, and I just hope you get caught with it one day.

Sincerely,

An intelligent non-smoker.




7 comments:

Carmen said...

I think my husband slips me pot in my food. Seriously. I'm always hungry and sleepy. Always. Dude.

p.huong said...

If so, can I be invited over for dinner?

acute_disaster said...

Lol, p.huong.

Anonymous said...

mee tooo, dinner at your house!

Rosco said...

Just because you aren't enthralled with the personality of one person who consumes cannabis, you needn't group everyone who consumes this herb into a category that appears to be dumbass. Marijuana only makes you stupid if you were to begin with.

Mister Andy said...

Hey, author; <3.

Agreed.

Anonymous said...

Rosco, trust me, I've been around tons of people who smoke the mary jane, and they're basically all the same. Some are incredibly intelligent, yet they like to smoke it. . .which makes them unintelligent in doing so.

And this is my opinion, dear sir.
I accept yours as well.

Let's move on, eh?