Thursday, February 19, 2009

Yes. I AM Whining About Whining.

Here's my whine about Stimey. She's the one who got me hooked on twitter. It's true. Last year at BlogHer. Wait, I got confused for a second. I'm supposed to introduce her and then SHE whines, not I whine about her. Duh. It's been like three weeks, you'd think I could get it straight already. PS: Nobody on this planet loves her children more than Stimey. But this isn't secret lovey dovey crap.com. How boring would that be?

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I am so fucking sick and tired of hearing my seven-year-old whine all the time. And before you get all, "But kids learn by example," on me, I'll let you know that I know that. And I know that I whine. And I'm pretty damn good at it, if I do say so myself.

And also? It's totally not annoying when I do it.

Shut up.

But I swear to God that I should have named that kid What Have You Done For Me Lately?

This weekend he got to go to a movie, he ate out at restaurants, he got to play Lego Star Wars on the Xbox AND my husband took him to the zoo. Then: "I'm booooooored. There's noooooothing to do."

Or my personal favorite: "But I haven't gotten to play that game for a huuuuuundred daaaaaaaaays!" Me: "You played it this morning." Him: "But I haven't gotten to play that game since this mooooooooorning!"

Or how about when I make dinner and he comes to the table and starts crying because "I don't liiiiiiiiike this! This doesn't taaaaaaaaaste good." And he's never tried it. And then I break a plate and he's all, "I'm calling chiiiiiiiiild seeeeeeeeervices."

Or something to that effect.

Seriously, the ungrateful whining is about to kill me. And he is skilled at adapting it for pretty much any situation. I guess I should have expected such a thing. I am an expert whiner. My entire extended family is pretty much composed of expert whiners. But there's something really irritating about a pre-tween who complains that he's hungry and we never do anything fun as I'm driving him home from a birthday party at a gymnastics studio where he ate pizza and cake.

I swear some day I'm gonna freak out and take every damn thing out of his bedroom, start serving him water and rice cakes for dinner, and go all Office Space on our Xbox. Then he'll have something to whine about.

17 comments:

TMCPhoto said...

It's nice to know that I have something more to look forward to in a few years.

jennygirltherat said...

Do it. What's the worst that could happen?
Except hide the Xbox. That was expensive. Pick up an old stereo at goodwill and let him THINK that you trashed the xbox.

Marinka said...

I could have written this. You know, if I cut and pasted it from your computer. My seven year old has been whining about not having PSP-2 or LSD-3 or something for six months. He only has a DS and a Wii, and he's told me and everyone with ears (hearing aids included!) that he is the unluckiest little boy in the world.
Excellent whine!

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Excellent whine. And I could have written this also. Who knew there was another house that is the most BORING HOUSE IN THE WORLD and another mom who makes the WORST FOOD EVER. We should start a support group!

Anonymous said...

he sounds like my 7 year old, except he doesnt pull the non eating shit. but he does order food, eat 2 bites and then stare at it after proclaiming he "is staaaarving".
i take his xbox away, or threaten to sell him to the slave market. maybe not the best thing to say to a seven year old...but it works.

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhh I emailed this very whine to a friend last night about child 1 & child 2.

Child 2 thinks the book fair I'm chairing is "a stuipd waste of time."

And Child 1 wrote a note to her friend "my mom is being really stupid because she's making a big deal over the fact that I got a 57% on my math test". FIFTY SEVEN.

#3 is now an only child.

Oh dear, this comment is now my own whine. You all have much to look forward to - these charming specimins are 13, 11 and 8!

CSY said...

I think every woman who has a young boy child has this whine...I threaten them with military school, usually works. Any advice for a mother who has an 11 ALMOST 12 yr old girl to contend with? No? You all are going to let me physically hurt my only girl child....no, I'm kidding. Maybe

Kelly said...

The whining in my house is like nails on a chalkboard. Do they really think it will get them what they want?? My 7 year old is the worst....my 10 year old just pouts and sulks and acts like a martyr.

Christy said...

I'm just going to cherish these baby months while I can: no talking = no whining.

Insults said...

This is brilliantly funny! What a great blog.

Anonymous said...

Dear CSY, Child 1 in 2nd Anonymous's story is (was) a 13 yr old girl. It is Soooooo very similar to parenting a two year old! Oy vey.

anymommy said...

So, what you are telling me is that I have years left of this whining crap? Is it legal to sell children? What about lease them out?

Great whine!

Stimey said...

Just you wait, SG. I'll hook you on tattoos too.

Pearl said...

Ahh, the ebb and flo of crab-itude. I am well acquainted.

I have, in the past, been both a terrible terrible mother and a horrible and unfeeling cook.

Eventually, they move out and come back just to visit and take you out for dinner. :-)

Pearl

Smores for Breakfast said...

I love that he's whining of boredom after coming home from a sugar crazed birthday party. that's awesome! he's going to be a professional whiner! Unfortunately, I'm a professional whiner myself and I know my son is going to pick up the fine art as soon as he can talk!

I love your blog! consider me a fan!

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Take him to do some community service. That'll minimize the whining.

That Girl said...

We had that ourselves this summer. We took our kids to one of those resort/indoor waterparks. Before we left I went into the gift shop and bought them all t-shirts, gift bagged them, and put them on the table. 12 year old Mr.Entitlement came up. Before even seeing what was in the bags he started complaining.

We explained to him that it was rude. He said he was just giving his opinion. His father told him nobody wanted to hear his opinion. It went on and one. I told him it not only did not inspire me to provide surprises for him, but it did quite the opposite.