Thursday, March 19, 2009

Bathroom Etiquette

To the dirty girls in the bathroom:
#1. We are sick of wiping up your pee or accidentally sitting on your sprinkle. I can certainly identify with the, "Eww, it's a public bathroom sentiment", but I can't hover, unless it's a handicap stall with the bars on each side. When hovering, one happens to have difficulty not pissing everywhere but the cool clear waters of the toilet bowl. It goes on my pants, or stockings, the toilet seat, the floor... I can't friggin aim! I know this because the few times when I have been horrified enough by the lack of cleanliness in some disgusting excuse for a bathroom to not sit, I experience the unpleasant aforementioned pee all but where it is supposed to be. So, ladies, if I may call you that, (and I do use the term loosely) wipe it up for Gods sake if you are too pristine to place your princess ass on the shitter!!!
#2. While we're at it, I must say that if you need to poop, why in the name of all that is good and holy, must you do it in the public four staller? If it the only option, fine, drop anchor, but typically that should be the LAST RESORT. Out of consideration for you, I will walk down the few flights of stairs to find the bathroom that is a single staller, away from the noses and ears of the rest of the world. I may even hold it in until I get home to my very own throne. I will do that for you, why must you poop and fart right next to me? WHY?!!!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I must say i agree with above declaration......but i must add to it...
#3 if you "happen" to lose a couple "stray hairs" while upon the throne....for god sakes wipe them off!!! Nothing is worse that somebodies pubes on the toliet seat...are you fucking blind?????

Anonymous said...

Every time that happens to me, I can't help but wonder who it is in my office that keeps their pubes that long. I don't want to know, really.

p.huong said...

Sorry, I'm not suppose to have dairy, but couldn't resist the ice cream sundae.

... wait seriously? #3?!?! That's so gross.. I've never experienced that ::knock on wood::

ShallowGal said...

Time to get out your glitter pens and make a little "If you sprinkle when you tinkle" sign.

Maura said...

I'm totally with you on #1 (Ha!) but I have to say you're asking for a little much with #2 (Ha! again) because not everyone has a choice. Trust me on this.

Anonymous said...

Oh great, I wrote this and now I have diarrhea. Did one of you wish this shit one me? Gotta runs, oops I mean run.