Featured Whine: What Not To Wear

The Comedy Goddess is whining about her friend's fashion choices. Or maybe I should say "fashion" choices. I actually met The Goddess herself in New York, so I was trying to see if she was talking about me. I mean, you wouldn't think that someone would email me a post mocking my wardrobe to me, right? But what about hiding in plain sight, huh? And yes, I really am that self centered! When you're done reading this featured whine, head over to see the Comedy Goddess for more royal laughter!

I am considering submitting my friend to be a contestant on What Not To Wear. If that sounds like I have a higher opinion of myself than I do of my friend, then you have never met my friend.

She has a November - April uniform consisting of a dark green fleece LL Bean hoodie and unisex faded black chinos. Her May - October uniform is a faded menswear denim shirt and unisex tan chinos. I have never seen her without a pony tail. Her roots are longer than her faded bottle blond DIY dye job. She wears no makeup which is okay if you can pull it off, but not many of us this side of sweet sixteen can.

As you can well imagine, I am afraid of this backfiring. What if she finds out that I have outed her to a huge makeover show? What if Clinton and Stacey review her footage and determine there is someone slightly worse than my freind? What amount of mea maxima culpa would ever fix that betrayal?

By the way, what does happen to those possible contestants? Do their nominators fess up and face the wrath of the poor unfortunate unchosen badly dressed soul? We have all seen how the chosen contestants are rigidly clinging to their unquestionably bad taste. Does it make them even more firmly grounded in camel toe jeans and dreadlocks to know that they have not been selected, thereby leading them to believe that they have been given a go ahead to continue on in their thrift store purchases? Would my friend feel justified in wearing her seasonable uniforms?

On second thought, I could use some magic in my life. Like getting myself onto Divine Design. Candace? Candace? I'd like to show you my office, and my bedroom. Your choice. I love you!