Monday, March 9, 2009

My job whine, let me show you it.

You Drive a Minivan? Well that changes everything!

From Kate in K-Town

Me = Me. Kate, your friendly transportation representative.
SSB= Stupid Spoiled Bee-otch
Myid= My internal dialogue. Things I should have said but didn't.

Phone: Ring Ring

Me:School Transportation this is Kate how can I help you.

SSB: I have a serious problem with one of your drivers.

Me: OK Ma'am what seems to be the problem?

SSB: My kids driver yells at the kids all the time and he drives recklessly! I saw him cross over the double yellow line on (insert name of small windey road here). I followed him his whole route one day and he was going AT LEAST 5 miles over the speed limit! This is ridiculous, I'm going to call the police. I want him fired!

Myid: First off, its a 50 foot long rectangle. Short of defying the laws of physics it cannot not go over the double yellow line on a teeny tiny curvy road. It aint possible McGhee. Secondly, if you have time to follow the school bus and then call me and bitch about it you have time to take your kids to school. Thirdly how else do you communicate with a bus full of 57 screaming middle schoolers besides yelling at them? and fourthly, if the bus was speeding and you were following it, doesn't that mean you were speeding too? tut tut, perhaps I should call the police on you. Last, You want him fired? Well certainly. This phone call is definitely grounds for termination. Consider it done, let me just get that phone number and call him right now Mein Fuhrer.

Me really: Oh my, really? What bus number is it and how long do you think has been going on?

SSB: I don't know the bus number (Freaking of course you don't. Why would you after tailing it all morning?) I just don't understand! I mean , I have three kids and I drive a MINI VAN and I don't have any problems driving or keeping my kids in line! I don't understand why he can't control the kids on the bus.

Me really: (long silence) can fill out a complaint form for you.

Myid: You drive a mini-van? Well that changes everything! Clearly you know all about driving a bus because a mini-van is exactly the same! Good Job! Clearly you missed the day in 3rd grade when the taught the word similar. Colossal FAIL you stupid spoiled bee-otch.


Unknown said...

I LOVED this when you posted it on your blog. Still gives me a great laugh!

Kate said...

Why thank you. I still have trouble believing that I actually had this conversation. Glad you got a kick out of it. =)

Ann Imig said...

Dizz! Kste! You two post these conversations in a similar style, and I've been hoping you would meet. Now you can share your hilarious/awful exhanges. Dizz, you should send her your street-spelling post. Just call me bloggy-matchmaker.

Manic Mommy said...

She owns a minivan and three kids and never yells or has trouble controling them? Now I know she's lying.

Liz Lancs said...

It's the caller's back story that I think's hilarious!

She's been fed a pack of lies by her child, who's been misbehaving on the bus. To try to get himself out of trouble, the child has suggested that the driver's incompetant.

And because the mother isn't capable of adequately disciplining her child, she decides to try and get the driver sacked.

The mother's a f*ckwitt!

Unknown said...

Ann.. how very thoughtful of you.. but I cant find it :(