Monday, March 2, 2009

Featured Whine: The Tourist

The Mama Bird Diaries is one of the first blogs that I read and I was hooked, immediately. Despite the fact that she's a witty, glamorous New Yorker. Or maybe because of it. If you haven't checked out The Mama Bird Diaries, head over there immediately! And by "immediately", I mean after you've read this whine and commented on it lovingly!


When I'm late to pick up my older daughter at preschool and I'm pushing my double stroller along Bleeker Street like a mad woman, why must every tourist walk in front of me at the pace of internet dial-up service?
So I say, "Excuse me," because I'm nothing if not a lady and I f-cking believe in being polite. But you can't actually hear me because you're too busy chatting it up on your mobile and smoking your cigarette and peering into the Marc Jacobs store.

I try to just veer around you but of course the sidewalk is too narrow and you keep swaying back and forth in a completely unpredictable pattern like you just left a pub crawl.
So I bark, "Excuse me" again but now it sounds really loud and not at all courteous. But you finally turn around and AT LAST realize that I need to get by you. And you are just about to let me pass (victory!) when you turn to me and say, "Can you tell me how to get to Soho?"
At which point, I actually stop my stroller all together and give you directions to Soho.
I hope when you're shopping at Prada you realize just how nice I am.

12 comments:

Frau said...

Yes but now they will say wow New Yorkers are so nice! But I don't know how you didn't just run them down!

Comedy Goddess said...

Isn't that always the way? They have no idea how much space they are using already, and then they have the nerve to ask for help. I am annoyed for you, and I don't even live in NYC.

michelle said...

Thank you for the directions last May? and I am soooo sorry if I made you late? Does that help? Even though I know my way around the city rather well, I will apologize on behalf of all other tourist and tell you how kind you are :o)

Chris said...

Funny! I'm so glad you, "...f-cking believe in being polite." I'm one of those tourists peering in the Marc Jacobs store, trying on Prada shoes and jackets (minus the cigarette in my mouth), BUT because I'm a mother, and have pushed a double stroller while trying to remain sane, I would broad-jump out of your way. Honest. That's how nice I am. :)

Christy said...

You are VERY nice not to steamroll them over with your doublewide! That's as bad as tourists standing on the left of the metro escalators! Exasperating!

WA said...

You definitely need to start passing yourself off as the Swedish nanny who doesn't know English.

Jennifer H said...

I can't believe someone hasn't installed horns on strollers yet. Nothing too annoying, just a polite beep,like when a truck is backing up. Or maybe variable settings: Level 1, a gentle beep; level 2, a firm but kind Excuse me(a la you); all the way up to level 10, which (duh) goes something like Get the eff outta my way!

Although your way is probably nicer. And comes with directions.

LT said...

Maybe you can have the girls scream at the tourists (that way you are still being nice, you just have cranky kids. . .). Great post!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

This exact same thing happened to me when I was at WHole Foods the other day. Except, when I said 'excuse me' the wench stayed in the middle of the aisle with her basket chatting on her cell phone. And I may or may not have envisioned throwing an 18 dollar box of crackers at her.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

A friend in New York tells me that the reason New Yorkers are stereotyped as rude is because the tourists cause random acts of raging. Apparently you handle it with grace. How boring!!! Next time, run them over with the stroller and laugh maniacally!

MommyTime said...

People are so oblivious. They're that oblivious here in the Midwest too, except that we're not trying to walk places quickly on sidewalks. We're trying to get our double-wide grocery carts around their dallying selves in the store before our children met into puddles of outrage. But it's the same principle. You are very kind for giving the directions anyway.

Stacy Quarty said...

So very gracious of you!