Friday, March 20, 2009

A whiney rant from years gone by.

When people call to speak to me, and hubby gets to the phone first, he lies and tells them I'm not there, or I’m asleep, but will get me to call back when I get back or waken up. – yeah, I know, people think that I sleep all the time, when actually I might be in the bathroom, or in the garden or wherever!


Then he doesn't tell me anyone called, & if I’d heard the phone ring, & I ask who was on the phone, he'll say it was either a wrong number or a sales call.


A few days later, friend calls back and he further lies that he did tell me they’d rung, and he's surprised that I didn't return their call.


After a couple of years of this, even the best of friends stopped calling me.


I hear you saying that I should call them, but when I call them & he’s at home, he sits next to me on the sofa trying to listen in. And since he doesn’t work, he’s always home!


What he doesn't like is that now, when friends are told "No, she's not here right now, but I'll get her to call you back" Mrs T emails me at work, so the next day I know she called, so I can call her back in my coffee break.


Miss V & Mrs L know its better just to not bother calling me, so that we avoid the agro, and we keep in touch by email & sms, and we arrange our gurlie nights in/out by email.


Unfortunately, other friends, in the 17 years since we've been together, decided that if I wasn't gonna call back when they were expecting it, they didn't wanna be friends any more.

I lost a lot of friends that way. Without even knowing what happened to them! When I called them, they were too polite to ask how come I hadn’t called back the previous week etc.


And it wasn’t until one particular friend decided to confront me about never calling her back that I found out that this was going on, and had been for years.


It’s just one more way that hubby’s alienated me from my friends and family so that he can be as manipulative and controlling as he is, without me having any external support.

They slowly chip away at your self confidence until there’s nothing left, and you begin to believe that you’re as worthless as they’re suggesting.


I’d just like to point out that I would get rid of him immediately if I could, but he’s created a financial situation where it’d be almost impossible to manage without his presence. (For now)



Anonymous said...

OMG, that is just the most horrible thing I've ever heard. I hoe you get out soon and before he becomes physically abusive.

Marinka said...

I'm so sorry, that sounds incredibly painful.

Anonymous said...

I'm never dating again! Marriage sucks... THANK GOD FOR MY CAT AND MY KIDS!

Anonymous said...

Been there done took me many years and trust me no amount of financial stablity is worth that crap!! I am now 6 years "out" and my son and I are doing great!!!! I will NEVER date again.......

Tammigirl said...

I had a situation like that, except my EX-husband would go around telling people I had confided in them that I didn't like them. I'm sure he added all kinds of spice to what was already a lie! It took me many years to find out - because some girl just told me one day.

After that I warned my friends when I made them. Amazingly enough, it still worked on a couple, even after the warning. But most people were on to him.

He had created a financial situation where I was TOTALLY dependent on him with FOUR small children. Then his salary doubled. He told me I would never leave him.

I left him.

Smartest thing I ever did. Wish I had done it at least 10 years sooner.

Missy said...

Best book ever

The Gift Of Fear by Gavin DeBecker

Nuff said!!!


Anonymous said...

I wish I could get out of my current situation. I feel sorry for my non-working bastard husband. I kick myself every day for not leaving a month after we moved in together and he brought in a bunch of pain meds. I would have been so much better off without him.
Why am I still here? You can't say this is "LOVE".