Sunday, March 22, 2009

Whining Here So I Don't Whine There

My Darling,
I know things suck.  Big time.  I know that things are totally uncertain right now and whether or not we can survive this is debatable.  I know that you're feeling totally conflicted about me and us and everything.  I get it.  I'm generally pretty patient with it because God knows I've done enough to damage your faith and trust in the past.  But when you go from affectionate and cuddly and damn-near-loving to angry and resentful and distant in a matter of moments, it gives me whiplash.  I was happy today, and in five minutes time most of that was gone and I was left struggling to hang on to a smile for the kids.
And I hate it that you didn't text me back, because now I don't know if you're still totally angry and depressed and staring at the ceiling in your bed unable to sleep.  Which means I'll be staring at the ceiling in my bed unable to sleep too, waiting for the next clue to the mystery of our future.
I love you, but loving you really sucks right now.

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