Thursday, April 2, 2009

Featured Whine: Bern This!

For some strange reason, Jessica doesn't like it when people cut in line in front of her. Check out her hysterical blog at Bern This and take a look at her weekly sessions with her therapist, too! You won't regret it!

To the man who just walked up and stood ten inches in front of the entrance to the Verizon Store. I’d like you to meet me and the twelve other people that have been standing around here for at least the last 25 minutes waiting for the store to open.
I know this doesn’t jibe with your obvious sense of entitlement and I’m guessing small, teeny, weeny peeny panini but you’re actually going to have to step back and wait, yes, that’s right, wait, because in the time that you have been likely driving someone else batshit with your incredulously narcissistic behavior we have all been standing around patiently and you see, although we haven’t formed a “formal” line, there is one as we, people with manners and no thought that we are better than everyone else, have inquired of each other already as to who was here first and have agreed that whoever has been waiting the longest shall be the first to enter and sign up for customer service.
Okay, sir the door is about to open now and you’re not moving. Wrong, you are moving, as the door is now open and I am now watching as you pick up your Ken Doll briefcase and walk right into the store and up to the counter without so much as even looking back to see what a selfish piece of shit every one thinks that you are and pretending not to hear any of us say things to you like :
“Asshole”
“Go work with the homeless”
“Who the fuck does this guy think he is?”
and that’s just what was said in English. I know that there were at least a couple of women who threw a few zingers at you in Spanish and I can only imagine what the translation was as even some of the store employees couldn’t help but smile and roll their eyes in your direction.
I wish I could end this by saying that after a few moments you had an epiphany and suddenly insisted that the guy who we all pointed out to you had been waiting longer than anyone, go ahead of you, but alas you are and will always be the same douche bag you have been since the day your mother made that horrible decision to actually have you.

13 comments:

Frau said...

Wow are you in Germany because that is everyday here. If there is a gap in line its gone! What an asshole!

dizzblnd said...

lmao jessica! People like that need to be hit by a bus!
Sorry he was such an ass

Lilacspecs said...

That almost exact same thing happened while I was waiting in line at immigration except it was a Moroccan guy (and many of them do, indeed, feel that they are somehow more entitled than everyone else) and he almost got his ass kicked by a pissed off African woman who wasn't going to let him get away with it.
See...the beauty of being a disenfranchised immigrant is that you no longer feel the need to be polite to assholes who cut in line. No one expects you to be high class so it's more acceptable to attack the offender.

Csquaredplus3 said...

Frustrating! There's at least one in every crowd. Grrrrr.

WA said...

What was Bernie Madoff doing at the Verizon store?

Anonymous said...

Yes, the cutter is an asshole. However, those waiting in line are just as bad since no one actually said anything directly to him. Why do people have such a problem confronting assholes? If you say something and the jerk still stands there, that means he wants a punch in face. While his unconscious, drag is ass to the back of the line.

bernthis said...

for the record, I and several others did, "confront" him by informing him of the situation. Other than draggin him by the collar away from the door, there is really nothing more I could do, legally, that is

*Akilah Sakai* said...

...you are and will always be the same douche bag you have been since the day your mother made that horrible decision to actually have you."

Bern,
I just want to clarify something. Are you saying his mom should have swallowed that evening? *snicker*

Nicole said...

I hate people like that.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I try to imagine what he'd have done if the "first" person had had his nose pressed to the door to claim his rightful place in line. Something tells me he STILL would have tried to work his way in first.

Anonymous said...

So what's a guy suppose to think when he sees a bunch of unemployed whiners gathered on the sidewalk?

Where is it written that he is suppose to be a mind reader and surmise which store these people...who have nothing else to do all day...will eventually want to window shop from?

....okay maybe that was a bit much.

But really, if it were so important to "the group", then there wouldn't have been any gaps/openings for the 'alleged' jerk to take advantage of. And besides....you let him live, didn't you?

Guess next time you'll just have to get a bigger Starbucks to hold you over while you're loitering around writing funny bits :)

Rick's Cafe
(cause I don't have a 'blogger name')

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Don't you just want to throw your Starbucks at jagloads like that?!? grrr.

Anonymous said...

So much anger in the world.

Maybe we should consider de-cafe a couple times of week? Besides, I heard it doesn't stain near as bad as a thrown espresso :)

Rick's Cafe