Friday, April 10, 2009

Fwd: Catholic Guilt

Why is it that every holiday i fight with my inner evil about going to church? For all of your out there, I have been brought up Catholic. Ugh. All you other Catholics know what i am talking about. I get enough shame and finger wagging that i don't drag myself and child to church on a weekly basis. We have become the "show up on holidays family". I know, we aren't the only ones. I know our secret society is larger than it appears. I still get this "guilty" feeling. I hate it. I made a deal with my 13 year old, we would skip Palm Sunday Mass...which is a slightly longer mass...and attend the Easter Sunday Mass. I made said agreement with the understanding that there would be no eye rolling, or long exaggerated huffs during said Mass. (these rules apply to both of us) I know i should just suck it up, it is only 1 hour of my pathetic life, but the Catholic Mass is so.....boring.....truly boring. I sit there, mind wondering, thinking the most deceitful,horrible thoughts. These thoughts ONLY seem to reveal themselves in Church actually i think they THRIVE. Do you see where my inner evil comes out? Why can't i just have God in my heart, and live with good morals and call it a day? Why must I feel that i must attend a building with 100's of others to secure my place in heaven? Not that i have a snowballs chance in Hell of that.....my name is on a hand basket on the one way highway south. I think I need to convert.........is there a religion out there that applauds divorced, woman who love to drink and curse????

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You can live with good morals without believing in any of the gods that are out there. My family does.

Manic Mommy said...

We call them Christmas Catholics. Never thought I'd become one but here I am. I just had chicken on a salad...on Good Friday. So, is there room in that handbasket?

I'm Wendy said...

Here's irony: I was brought up Protestant and one church I was forced to attend had a creepy pastor with plump, soft, creepy hands. (As in when he shook my hand. :shudder:) These were cuckoo evangelicals, full of forgiveness for things you didn't even know were sins, much less whether you'd ever done them.

They knew ALL and we knew shit. Righteous assholes, each and every one. I sat there not only cursing them every Sunday, along with the parents who dragged me there, but I wished murder and torture as well.

I figured that was when I got my learner's permit for that long drive I'd be taking south some day.

But...my first boyfriend was Catholic and I gladly went to Mass with him. It was clinical and impersonal and you could just sit there and zone out and not really get what was going on. All the kneeling down and standing up. It was like a foreign ritual, a secret, mysterious thing. I even went to a Catholic college, just to keep the feeling alive.

(That lasted through the first semester.)

I think that if there's a god, he likes a giant drink now and then. Dry and straight up. He tells dirty jokes and laughs out loud and slaps people on the back (but not too hard). He not only "gets" you, he loves you, through and through. And he likes hanging out with you.

Just imagine what it's like for him, with all the other people at mass thinking all those pious thoughts, while you're cursing inside...which would YOU rather listen to?

Mark said...

You have to ask yourself why you feel guilty and at some point make a decision to let it go all of the way or go back to the fold. One can be very spiritual and never go to church. Personally church, any church and I have been to many is to confining for me.

Happy Easter!

K.Line said...

As a good, lapsed Catholic, I have to advise you not to go. There's no virtue in attending church when it suits you - and then hating it. Let it go.

Ruthie said...

presbyterians call them 'christmas and easter christians' ... and that says all I need to say about prresbyterians (and i could say a lot having spent the 35 first years of my sad life supping at their font of tedium and self congratulation) :) and you thought YOU were evil!

Julie B. said...

I'm part of the club too - however, I actually do going to Church...it's just that I don't like to go alone AND I don't like to go with my children...so I just go on holidays.

Julie B. said...

do like going, i meant to say...

phd in yogurtry said...

I have never understood a god requiring worship. That just seems very un-god like to me. Even in my early catholic school days, it seemed odd.. of god.

Tales of the endless tether said...

I completely understand.

I used to be a Holidays Only church-goer.

Until one of the "every weekers" told me that unless I could make my Autistic (then) 4yr old son be quiet through the service, I shouldn't come any more.

To me, being a Christian isn't about whether you go to church every week, its whether you think in a Christian way, and whether you try to live your life in a way that you think God would like.

The next vicar we got at church told me that I should ignore what Mrs Every-Week had said, and that "jesus called ALL children unto him, not just the healthy ones" but it was too late by then.

We go very infrequently now.

Mrs Every-Week wasn't very Christianly in her words or actions. I wonder if she knows that my son was Autistic when she said that, or whether she just though that she was beter than us and deserved to be able to worship in silence.

Suzy said...

That would be the only religion for me!!