Friday, April 3, 2009

Hack, hack, whine, whine....

To my fat ass, sit in, sweat pants wearing, covered in dog hair, doctor (because my real doctor was booked):
I am sick.  You can probably tell this by listening to my almost non-existent voice that I used to squeak out, "I'm sick." 
An aside to you friendly readers out there. - I am an upstate New Yorker.  We are thick skinned, tough people, the stock that drag themselves to work with any variety of illness so as not to lose the self titlement on our resumes, "possesses a strong work ethic".  We use hand sanitizer and carry Clorox wipes and isolate ourselves in our cubicles so as not to infect the poor saps who have to work with us.  We penny pinch and only go to the family practitioner as a last resort so as not to have to hand over the $20 co-pay that we could spend on a new pair of sling-backs at Payless.  In this particular case, I am a mother of two with an absentee good for nothing soon to be ex-husband-child that is out camping somewhere instead of working and paying child support like a real man.  We also can not miss work due to the fact that we had multiple visits to the child support wing of family court and also numerous trips to decide custody, because el-dipshit wouldn't settle.  Instead it made so much more sense for him to just no-show the court date in lieu of said camp out.  Also, a 4 and a 6 year old do little more at school than pick up and bring home every form of germ infestation known to man, and when they are sick I need to stay home.  That being said, I've missed a fair share of work in an economy where the little people are shakin' in their boots that they may get the proverbial axe.  So, I'm at work, but I miss my lunchtime to drag my sorry, sick ass to the doctor.  (Isn't that what my health insurance is for after all?)
And you Dear Doctor, you freak, you suck!!!  Let's just call you Captain Obvious, unless you prefer Dr. Obvious.  When you state, "You have a cold."  I want to scream, "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!"  Friggin fix it!  Give me something at least instead of raping me of my $20 dollars and shuffling me out to the CVS to pick up some bull shit OTC cough syrup that doesn't work.  And for God's sake, put on some damn doctorly clothes.  Who the frig' wears sweatpants?
I am officially changing my last name to NyQuil.  I mean we sleep together every night... why not make it official.  I love you NyQuil.


Anonymous said...

I feel ya! I have the same el-dipshit in my life and bronchitis. but hey its the ACC championship so you know he wont be taking the our kid tonight because he's gotta watch the game and it will be too loud.... feel better soon sweets!

Liz Lancs said...

Hope you're feeling better real soon.

My hubby (BIFF) is also an El-Dipshit