Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Crazy Bitches, All of Them

I'm Kate, and I'm not stating my full name or my blog name on the chance that a crazy bitch might Google me and find this.

My secret spineless whine is that I am tired of having crazy, psychotic bitches for bosses. I swear that I am a magnet for them. With the exception of my very first boss who was the nicest woman I know, every boss I've ever had has had "issues."
My last boss for example, made everything personal. She was demanding and hard to please, but also wanted to be buddies with everyone. This doesn't work so well when you are telling people that their performance is sub par. But even if she was justified in her criticism, she always brought emotions into it. You have to pick: Are you a tough cookie, ball buster or are you a touchy feely, sensitive type? You can't be both! She once brought me into her office for a sit down, come to Jesus, character assassination based on the fact that at the conference we just held, I was - wait for it - "friendlier" to other people than I was to her. I can honestly say that I had NO idea what she was talking about. CRAZY BITCH.
Then there is my current boss who is famous around the office for her own brand of crazy. She is the micro manager who complains about how she has to micro manage everything. She creates such a chaotic and stressful work environment that mistakes are inevitable. And then she has the nerve to tell me that even though "90% of everything may be great, it's the other 10% that's the problem." Does that mean that everything should be 100% perfect? This might be okay for her to decree if she did everything perfectly - but believe me, she does not. And she actually creates some of the problems that she rages over. I've seen her take a perfectly good binder of material that was not set up as she expected it to be, and then rearrange it into such a mess that she ultimately had a coronary about how everything was out of order. It reminded me of that scene from This Is Spinal Tap, where Nigel is all coked up and paranoid and freaking out about he had to fold cold cuts to fit into the mini bread slices on the catering table:
NIGEL: There's a problem here...I don't even know where to start...look at this - this miniature bread. It's like...I've been working with this for about a half an hour now...I can't figure it out... IAN: You'd like bigger bread? NIGEL: Exactly! I don't understand how... IAN: You could just fold it though... NIGEL: Well now [folding bread, not cold cuts] then it's half the size  IAN: Fold the meat. NIGEL: Yeah, [folding bread with cold cuts in it] but then it breaks apart like this. IAN: Well, no - put it on the bread like this...see? NIGEL: But then [not listening and continuing to fold bread] if you keep folding it, it keeps breaking... IAN: Why would you keep folding it? NIGEL: Everything has to be folded - and then [letting Ian show him how to fold cold cuts to fit into the mini bread] and then it's this...and I don't want this...I want large bread so that I can put this, so then it's like this, but then it doesn't work, 'cause then it's all [holds mini bread with large cold cut hanging out of it]... IAN: 'Cause it hangs out like that... NIGEL: Look - would you be holding this? IAN: No, I wouldn't want to eat that. NIGEL: Alright, exhibit A - then we move onto this...Look - look! Who's in here? [holding up a green olive without a pimento in it] No one. And then in here [holding up a green olive WITH a pimento] there's a little guy. It's a complete catastrophe! IAN: No, no your right. NIGEL: No really, it's not big's a's a joke... IAN: I really don't want it to affect your performance. NIGEL: It's not going to affect my performance. Don't worry about it alright?...It DOES disturb me. But I rise above it. I'm a professional.
Sorry for the long Spinal Tap quote, but it's just EXACTLY what it feel like dealing with this crazy woman. And as with most crazy people, the most frustrating thing about it is that she thinks SHE is the reasonable one. She's loves to seize upon my perceived mistakes and say, "I saw this and I'M not even a [insert my title here]." Then I think, "yeah, well I'M not even a lawyer [which she is] and I watch you do crazy, sue-able things all the time."

Honestly? I've never been one to wish ill on people. If I really hate someone, I generally just want to walk away from them. I even felt that way about my last crazy boss - who was REALLY crazy. But this one has pushed me to my limit. I've started having vicious fantasies about her death or suffering that range from running her over in my car to making online Wicca friends who can put hexes on her. At the very least, I picture pushing her down a flight of cement steps, oh...every five minutes...
If I get fired (because he's like the Red Queen: "Off with their heads!") then you may see more writing activity on my personal blog. But if you don't see anything from me in a week or two, you may have to assume that I've been put in jail for first degree murder or have possibly been burned at the stake by Fundamentalists who discovered my pact with the devil to give that crazy bitch leprosy.

I'm of course, not REALLY serious about the violent stuff - or the wicca - but it does give me some sick satisfaction to think about it. This is what the crazy bitch has driven me to. Thank you for listening to me whine.



Anonymous said...

Kate...honey...I think your name in your post is linking to your blog...YIKES!

Christy said...

Yikes is right. I knew the old crazy boss so can empathize. Whine away, whine away! It's so justified!

country mouse said...

EXCELLENT whine!!!

And geez--sorry your boss is certifiable . . .

Anonymous said...

I have made a solomn vow to NEVER work for a woman again!!

Part of the current problem is that it's a lawyer, but that's only a small part.

I think I may have worked for her at one time, her name wouldn't happen to be Penny would it?

She fired me because I was not making the right judgment calls in my personal life. Go figure!

Anonymous said...

...please where can I buy a unicorn?

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I am not going to be original this time, so all I am going to say that your blog rocks, sad that I don't have suck a writing skills