To the Lady I drive behind to work - every day.

Hey Lady in the gold Yukon,

For some reason I seem to get in traffic behind you every day.

Maybe we leave the house at the same time; maybe I’m just drawn to the shiny-ness of your 10-ton mommy-mobile. Nevertheless, there you are, in front of me, driving so maddeningly slow I could rip off my own arm and beat myself to death with it from the frustration.

I’ve read all of your bumper stickers a million times:

“Not your typical soccer mom!”

“I [heart] Sharpeis!”

“Got twins?”

(Good grief)

What I don’t get is the little stick figures you’ve pasted to your rear window. Man, woman, kid, kid, smaller kid, dog, fish. (Seriously – fish).

So, you have a family. Congratulations. So do we all.

What you should paste to your back window is two old people fucking. Because that the way you drive. Now get out of my way.

</rant>