Who the fuck thinks that adult women want "breakfast in bed" made by children with runny noses and surpervised by men who scratch themselves? If this were a restaurant, the Board of Health would have shut this party down a long time ago.
As far as I can tell, it's some kind of a scam by Madison Avenue to lull women into thinking that they want breakfast in bed instead of say, being able to sleep in and be left alone. What else could possibly explain this nationwide obsession with breakfast in bed? Let's break this down.
The idea is that after a year of slaving in the kitchen, preparing breakfast feasts for your family (aka opening a cereal box), they make it up to you by serving the mom breakfast. First of all, doesn't the one meal a year sort of just rub it in that the rest of year you're on breakfast duty? Why are they off the hook after one attempt? Is it like some sort of Yom Kippur of breakfast attonement?
Any what's with the bed? Are we Roman emperors now? Am I the only one who immediately sees all the crumbs that I will have to deal with until the moment that I give up and have to wash the sheets? Are we supposed to time Mother's Day with laundry day? Because that really eats into my luxury appreciation. And don't get me started on the state of the kitchen after the breakfast is prepared. If just imaging that is not enough to get a piece of toast stuck in your throat, I congratulate you on your mighty esophagus.
My favorite is when they bring the newspaper to me in bed. "Here! Enjoy!" Two wars, a recession and swine flu? Really, you spoil me!
Here's to all the moms on SSW--I hope that your day is lovely and that your family is kind to you. And next year, let's aim for cocktails in bed!