Sunday, May 10, 2009

Breakfast in Bed is a Huge Scam

Who the fuck thinks that adult women want "breakfast in bed" made by children with runny noses and surpervised by men who scratch themselves? If this were a restaurant, the Board of Health would have shut this party down a long time ago.

As far as I can tell, it's some kind of a scam by Madison Avenue to lull women into thinking that they want breakfast in bed instead of say, being able to sleep in and be left alone. What else could possibly explain this nationwide obsession with breakfast in bed? Let's break this down.

The idea is that after a year of slaving in the kitchen, preparing breakfast feasts for your family (aka opening a cereal box), they make it up to you by serving the mom breakfast. First of all, doesn't the one meal a year sort of just rub it in that the rest of year you're on breakfast duty? Why are they off the hook after one attempt? Is it like some sort of Yom Kippur of breakfast attonement?

Any what's with the bed? Are we Roman emperors now? Am I the only one who immediately sees all the crumbs that I will have to deal with until the moment that I give up and have to wash the sheets? Are we supposed to time Mother's Day with laundry day? Because that really eats into my luxury appreciation. And don't get me started on the state of the kitchen after the breakfast is prepared. If just imaging that is not enough to get a piece of toast stuck in your throat, I congratulate you on your mighty esophagus.

My favorite is when they bring the newspaper to me in bed. "Here! Enjoy!" Two wars, a recession and swine flu? Really, you spoil me!

Here's to all the moms on SSW--I hope that your day is lovely and that your family is kind to you. And next year, let's aim for cocktails in bed!

9 comments:

Jennifer H said...

Or.

Cocktails in someone else's bed? Sorry, that was my inner slut talkin'.

(No offense to sluts. None taken, Jennifer.)

country mouse said...

Ha ha--yes, cocktails in my bed or someone else's--either way, count me in! : )

We also gave up the traditional Mother's Day Brunch In A Ridiculously Crowded And Overpriced Restaurant years ago. Nobody wants to be there. Especially not a mom with young children.

Instead, this year for mom's day we visited family a little bit, then we went our separate ways to do what we all *really* wanted to do. Worked out great : )

MommyTime said...

mmm...cocktails...THAT's what I needed today...

phd in yogurtry said...

Breakfast in bed? Noooo. Me neether. Cocktails in a penhouse suite? Yeahhhhhh.

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I like the breakfast in bed, because my fam is so inept its not til noon... which means I was alone. FOR HOURS!!!

CSY said...

Cocktails in someone elses bed...THAT sounds intersting...can we pick who's bed we wanna cocktail in? ;c)~

reddaisies said...

Ok, so the exception to the rule... my 4 and 6 year old boys came up with it on their own somehow. No Daddy around to supervise, they got up early (well, they are always up early) and one poured the Fruity Pebbles (as that is as gourmet as one can get at that age) and one poured the milk. Was it messy, yes. Was it gross, ok, yeah... but I wouldn't have traded it for all the tea in China. It blows me away that the two of them thought of it and managed it without fighting.

Amanda W said...

I'm pretty sure cocktails in bed is how I got into this mess in the first place!

Anonymous said...

It was especially stupid for me because I every single day make myself a nice breakfast that is exactly what I want and bring it to bed and eat it in total peace.

PLUS I just made an enormous list of things I would actually like done around the house. FAIL.