Thursday, May 14, 2009

Not My Big Brother

When did my beloved older brother turn into a major asshole? He is incredibly smart and funny and loving. He was my big brother in the best sense of the word -- protector, advisor, teacher, friend. He has encouraged me in many ways over the years when I needed it most. I've sought his opinion and listened to it for 40 years. I have valued his opinion of me, good and bad.
Not so much, any more. Am I growing up? Am I seeing what was always there but was obscured by rose-colored glasses? Or has he changed for the worse? Or have I? Why do his opinions now seem like ranting? Why does every conversation seem like a stage for his monologue? I used to relish intense debates, a staple of our family interactions, but now I avoid them because I feel abused. He seems like such a hypocrite, and it's hard to respect him. And that breaks my heart.


Liz Lancs said...

He sounds like he could be angry or depressed.

Still love him, and be there for him, but yeah, it does sound like he's changed, but it could be as a result of something else that's going on in his life that's become all-consuming for him.

Anonymous said...

Uncle J., did you write this about Dad?! In the case of my family, my uncle and dad have just grown to be too different. Growing up, they could debate topics animatedly, and then fall back to things they agreed on, but now there's nothing left that they agree on. Each believes the other is wrong on every count, and is frustrated that they can't get the other to understand their view. They're set in their ways now, and won't be swayed. So, they only talk now when necessary--updates on Grandma's health and the like. Just because someone's family and you love them doesn't mean that you like them.