Saturday, June 13, 2009

Should I Bring This Up In Couple's Therapy?

In a moment of weakness, I allowed myself to be convinced to visit my mother-in-law.  In the spirit of promoting marital harmony.

She spent the better part of our visit recounting her lunch date earlier that day, where her friend's daughters "kept going on and on" about how "hot" her son/my husband is.  How he's sooooo good-looking, he could be a model.  How he could get any woman he wanted.  How nobody would believe that he's married, with children. 
And she added:

"I don't think <my name> knows how lucky she is, with such a hot-looking husband!"

Meaning what? I'm such a fucking ugly dog-face that I should be grateful she allowed her "hot" son to have sex with me multiple times? I'm really not a jealous person, but the fact that I know she said these things to get under my skin infuriates me. And it infuriates me because I know she said these things knowing that it could create discord for us, at a time when we're already struggling to keep our marriage together. And it infuriates me that I let her infuriate me.


Anonymous said...

Next time say to her, "Oh I DO appreciate how hot my husband is, every night in fact, right honey?" (said while patting his hand).

As hard as this may be, I suggest you leave your husband out of this one. It's not his fault that his mother is such a trouble maker. There's nothing he can do to curb her dagger laden comments.

And I'd work on choosing to view this as affirmation that I am one hot mama myself and my hubby knows it. There's a good reason you have such a hot husband (or hundred reasons).

Still, I have mutter in law issues myself and I know how maddening it can be. I attended couples therapy years ago BECAUSE of my in laws and my desire to force my husband to take a more protective stance on my behalf.

What ended up happening over the years.. I stopped ragging so heavy on his mother and eventually HE started doing the ragging himself. When it wasn't coming from me (which was my constant form of pressuring him to do something about it) he stopped being defensive and started to notice how irritating she was.

Nowadays my muther in law doesn't bother me nearly as much and my husband and I don't argue about her. We agree about her. And that's been really healing for me.


ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ said...

I am so sorry your mother-in-law is such a bitch. Thank God she doesn't live with you!

Liz Lancs said...

I recently decided that I was no longer part of the in-laws' family.

I don't go to their parties any more (to be gossiped about, or insulted to my face)

I don't buy them cards or gifts (Because they don't do it for me)

I let hubby take the kids if he/they want to go, but nope, not me, they're nothing to do with me any more.

I don't even answer the phone if it shows its their number that's calling.

After 17yrs of abuse from them, I finally put my foot down, and I'm quite enjoying it, but hubby was almost in tears when he realised yesterday that I didn't get his father a father's day card or gift, so he's going to have to do it himself!