Thursday, August 13, 2009

When I'm angry, I cry

photo by the aptly named Kyle Flood
When I'm angry, I cry.

It gets in the way when arguing with a partner ("No, I'm not getting all emotional; just ignore those tears and listen to what I'm saying.") The eyelids brimming with tears really undercut my "behavior management" when I started teaching high school in Brooklyn, because if the one kid who was trying to push my buttons saw them, he'd zero in for the kill. There's no crying in baseball, no crying in front of a classroom and no damn crying when you're trying to be businesslike and professional.

But the frigging tears did me in again today, when I was trying to maintain my composure with the daycare director at Moochie's school. Arghh. Let me back up to this morning when we got a call from an alert woman from the school district who noticed that the preschool had Moochielisted for a totally different schedule than the one we agreed to (the one they maintained was the best one for her) in January.

She was supposed to have preschool in the afternoon and daycare (at the same facility) in the morning. So we planned to drop her there and have her bussed back home at the end of her day. They cancelled her daycare class and didn't tell us, then submitted a schedule to the district that would have her picked up in the AM for school, leaving us to get her in the afternoon.

Without calling us to explain, ask if this was cool, or, I don't know... apologize. Their attitude seemed to be "what's the difference, the other affected parents were cool with it; what's your deal?" (These others were notified, however.)

Well, I was mad and rightly so. We'd enrolled her for the summer because they said they needed 50% of the summer's cost anyway to guarantee her the spot we wanted. We figured, well, if we have to pay half anyway, she might as well attend. So that ended the search for a day camp and the kid would have to be satisfied with a water table and occasional run through the sprinklers.

But now the select spot had vanished, they didn't call to tell us and it's the middle of fucking August and we're leaving for vacation in a week. Fuckfuckfuck. (I pretty much stopped cursing when Moochie started talking, so I have a lot of curses stored in my brain as potential energy. They are leaking out now, so I apologize. I did start out with a "frigging" a couple of paragraphs ago, in my defense.)

Cut back to the preschool director's office. As I said, I know we're in the right here. So as I'm laying out my case and trying to get her to at least acknowledge that they dropped the damn ball, I did not need my eyeballs to be acting like they were watching a double feature of Terms of Endearment and An Affair to Remember. Goddamn traitorous eyeballs.

photo by Fotolia
I'm angry, not sad!


Pudge450 said...

I do the same thing and it annoys the heck out of me. Just when you want to present your most formidable self the tears start flowing and no way do you look capable and in control. No way for them to know you are just mad as heck.

Unknown said...

Angry tears SUCK. Because no matter how hard you try, you still look like you're out of control, over emotional, and unable to handle the situation.
My damn eyes do the same thing. Every freaking time. How is anyone supposed to take my threats seriously if I'm crying like a 5 year old???

Hannah said...

I have this problem, only in order to cry at all most times I have to make myself mad. I thought this would stop by now, I'm 19!

Unknown said...

I am the same way!!! When I get pissed, I cry, which pisses me off even more, so I cry even harder!!!!!

And I HATE daycare directors...grrrrr

shrink on the couch said...

it's a no brainer from where i'm sitting. too bad the rest of the world is so tear-avoidant.

but the thing is? sometimes tears work when nothing else will. so enjoy those times it opens doors for ya.

k a b l o o e y said...

Hey, that's me. (not the baby picture; although that is a cute baby, and I didn't have to pour very much soap in her eyes to get the shot, and it only stung for a second, I swear) I mean: that's my post. I didn't mean it to be anonymous, after all, I have a secret identity.

Lindsay said...

I thought I was the only person on the planet who has this problem! I hate it when my boss is talking to me, and I get so pissed that the water works start flowing and I can't turn them off. I look like such an idiot, when in realty, I just want to punch someone in the face!

Does this mean I have anger management issues?

Julie H said...

Does anyone have a suggestion on how to channel that anger for something other than tears? This "ailment" has attacked me twice already this week, and people look at me like I'm sad and try to console me. I'm not freakin sad people! Usually I'm mad at someone, like your daycare director, who dropped the ball, and now I have to deal with it. I'm tired of reading about "counting to ten" or thinking of something funny...I need real help!

Brenden said...

I believe that most "angry tears" are when you feel powerless. It might also be when you feel like you have just been unjustly wronged (the change of schedule in this example). Whenever I cry, its because I feel that the world is being unfair.