My Dearest Hubs,
If we have to put one more dollar into your piece of shit car to "fix it", it's going to mysteriously roll into the river. I'm not saying I'm going to push it, I'm just saying somehow, someway, it will end up at the bottom of the Arkansas.
I know you're attached to this vehicle for insane reasons I am not meant to understand. I know you're not interested in having a new car payment. Hell, neither am I. However, if I have to (in)directly pay for one more of the Firestone children to go to college, I'm going to shit a brick. But hey, maybe it'll be a golden brick and you can use it to purchase yourself a new fucking ride. Or maybe I can attach it to the car when it rolls into the water. Any extra weight would keep it from floating, right?
-Your loving and adoring wife