Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
How many wet-wipe bag covers do you think I own? You're bloody throwing them all away every time you finish a bag! Do you not know how to read? This daycare is costing me so much money, I would expect the people who take care of my baby's education to bloody know how to read and follow simple instructions!
Now his entire bag will get soggy from wet wipes without cover, and the wipes themselves will dry out and my husband says I can't yell at you.
Damn you for making me look like a fussy mom!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I approach the checkout.
She asks, "how many bags?" and I say, "two."
She takes a carton of eggs and immediately places it on the bottom of the first bag and I say, "could you please put the eggs on top?" and she says, "There are going to be two bags, anyway," and rolls her eyes.
Because are you seriously fucking telling me that one bag will just have the carton of eggs and the second bag will have everything else? Because if that is our bagging strategy, then I would like three bags.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
|Dear Stupid Teenagers|
Boy, STOP SUCKING YOUR DAMN TEETH! This is a communal computer lab. I have final in 20 minutes. I am trying to study here because I don't have a Mac at home and apparently that is the only acceptable form of computer. I'm under a lot of pressure here. You incessant squeaking will become detrimental to your well being in about 4.5 seconds. If you don't stop sucking you teeth I'm going to forcibly remove them with my fist.
Girl, GET OFF THE PHONE! No one wants to hear you fight with your mother, No one is interested. Your being extremely noisy and WAY Too much information is now being shared with total strangers. You are distracting me. Get off the phone or your going to find out how it feel to have it shoved up your nostril. That is all.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
at the door for someone to let her in? She drops by unannounced and
just let's herself in while we are watching tv downstairs. A week of
watching our kids after school does not make up for our relationship
being shit. Agh!!!
*** *** *** ***
Saturday, December 5, 2009
I am confused.
Does the fact that Tiger's mistresses are getting some cash somehow make Ashley NOT a hooker?
Or is she confused and thinks that only one woman can be a hooker.
Because if receiving cash for sexual services isn't a job description for prostitution, I don't know what is.
Oh, and the fact that she hasn't cashed in on it by writing a tell-all book? Ashley, what are you waiting for? No one would blame you.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
self-service lanes at the grocery store, I'm sorry, it's too late to
Just wait for the teller to cash your check. Of all the life skills
you can pick up now, this just isn't one worth having.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
So, my husband is a smart guy. Sometimes too smart. He signed up for a service called Google Voice – one phone number which will ring all of your phones in order until one picks up: cell, home, office, voicemail. Brilliant.
Except, he’s in California on a business trip and has turned his cell off while he’s out to dinner with the guys. I’m in North Carolina (that’s 3 hours ahead) trying to get some sleep.
Goes something like this:
12:02am: Phone rings. It’s a (female) client of his wanting to invite him out for drinks. Sorry to wake you.
12:03am: Same client. Can’t figure out why my husband’s cell phone rings his home. Even after I explain it to her – again.
1:32am: Client he had dinner with. Great sushi. Wants to see if they can meet for breakfast.
1:57am: Husband. Saw I called. Why am I still up?