Saturday, January 31, 2009
I know you counted 7 carrots on your plate, but I swear to you there really are only the agreed upon 6. You keep counting the first one twice. See how they're arranged in 2 rows of 3? You couldn't do that with 7 carrots because 7 is an odd number.
I am not trying to trick you into eating one extra baby carrot, and even if I were, that is not grounds to refuse to eat any vegetable whatsoever.
But I would never knowingly send my kids to school with head lice. I
heard through the mom grapevine that the triplets in my kid's grade
had lice, yet they never missed a day of school. They exposed all
three first grade classes.
Well guess what I discovered in my daughter's hair last night. I am pissed.
|I am no kind of writer. I've never pretended, nor aspired, to be a writer. But it annoys the shit out of me when I read the blog of an 'aspiring writer' and it sucks. As in glaring misspellings and grammatical errors. Not to mention ridiculously boring content. I want to leave a comment saying "THIS SUCKS! You are never going to make it as a writer!" But, I'm just not that mean.|
Friday, January 30, 2009
Please stop using your strollers as battering-rams. In the aisles at Trader Joe's. On the running path around the reservoir. As you step defiantly into traffic, seemingly demanding: Get out of my way, Baby On Board!
If you're trying to kill your child, please just do it the old fashioned way - drown 'em then blame it on a black guy.
Jesus, woman...give us a real problem to deal with and shut UP about your fat ass....
Last week, a friend told me that I really should do something more proactive, because geckos can carry salmonella. Yeah, well, so can peanut butter. Pass the Jiffy.
Use your words use your words use your words use your words use your words use your words use your words use your words use your words
door, on top of us and below us would you please just stop the crying
screaming kicking and tossing around while you grunt and moan and sob
and just tell me how to make whatever the hell it is better???
PS: for Mothers day this year I would like the following.......
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Why should I be punished because he won't take a nap?
I know it's NYC and it's scary, but stop holding hands.
I have a lot to bitch about but #1 is that Marinka is spending too much time on the whiny blog and not posting on her own site!! WTF!! I look forward to her posts every day. I started following her from the link on Wendy Aaron's site and now it is my favorite blog because it's something new every day. Can't a woman with a dead beat husband, 3 dogs and 11 puppies have something to look forward to??? Well, CAN'T SHE???
Please stop interrupting me. Either that or stop the facade of engaging me in conversion. Seriously. I think our last 3 dialogues went something like this:
"How are you?" Well, I'm goo.....
"Did you have a good weekend?" Actually, I wen......
"What do you think about XYZ" You know, I.....
What the fuck? What is your major malfunction? Are you really unaware of how annoying that is? And why me?
I'm considering ordering you a bobblehead of myself. Then you can just set her head nodding and talk away.
Seriously, I don't take that shit from my husband much less a total stranger! So, knock it off.
As if it isn't bad enough that I actually had to take out the garbage myself last night, I woke up to the sight of all 3 cans PLUS one of the recycling bins overturned in the icy driveway. I had to go out there at 8 am in my jammies and slippers and pick all that shit up! I damn near froze my hands off!
Whiney enough for ya?
My husband looks like a garden gnome when he gets angry with me.
Which is often.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Jean, a.k.a. Stimey, writes at Stimeyland, DC Metro Moms Blog, and Trusera.
She declutters at The Junk Pyramid and writes reviews at Things and Stuff Reviews.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm actually upset at my own success.
PS: Thanks internet for a great first day!
1) Fine. 2 weeks. That's so sad.
You should never joke about killing puppies. I hope someone whines about this post.
-Ryan from the Panic Room :)
Yesterday, when i was away doing the work of the people as a citizen lobbyist (because that's the kind of wonderful selfless person I am) some moron in my family fucked with the toaster setting. So, while I was busy reading spineless whines, my bagel burnt and smoke is rolling through the house and i can't open the doors because it 10 degrees and the mouse that lives under the deck will come in, poop everywhere and give birth under my bed. Logically, it's your fault because if this website didn't exist, I would have been closing monitoring my toaster. Instead, I'm still hungry, the house stinks, the dog is freaking out, i'm freezing my ass off and the mice are lining up to use my bed as a birthing center and i'm forced to drink before lunch. I'll accept cash as compensation.
My baby keeps eating her hand. It gets wet and cold and slimy. I hate that.
Did I mention I have a headache? And that my daughter will be spending the entire fricking day in front of the TV?
Don't judge me - you know you'd do it too if you were having a day like this.
My husband and I are currently separated. I'm not sure if we'll be able to salvage our marriage or not. I've been dying to blog about this, but my mother-in-law reads that blog and would probably try to use anything I write against me in divorce court. I guess this is as good of a place as any to get it out.
Was this too depressing? The whines are supposed to be light-hearted and irrelevant, aren't they? I knew I'd f*ck this up. I should stick to judging and mocking.
What is a spineless whine? It’s a minor complaint that doesn’t quite reach the level of a secret and yet you suspect that if you shared it with your friends or colleagues, they would be annoyed. That’s where we come in.
Email your spineless whine to firstname.lastname@example.org, anonymously or not, and it will post directly to Secret Spineless Whine. We will tweet some entries and mock others. Sometimes we will tweet and mock the very same entries. Which will give you more stuff to whine about.
Here are some questions that you may have, answered:
Q: I think I understand, and this is a brilliant idea, but how I can tell if what I have is more of a secret or a whine?
A: “I killed my aunt” is secretish.
“Brangelina are really annoying” is whinerish. Although I salute the sentiment.
Q: Why can’t I just whine to my friends, family, co-workers instead of posting here?
A: You can. But give them a link to this blog, in case, you know, they want to say something about you.
Q: Isn’t listening to people’s whines annoying?
Q: Are you just making up these questions and then answering them?
A: Shouldn’t you know the answer to that one?
Any other questions?
We are still tinkering with this concept, so if you have any ideas/suggestions, please post them or email us at SecretSpineless@aol.com.
And then send in your whine to email@example.com. We’ll provide the cheese.
I can’t even *tell you* how much I hate it when I’m having sex but floating through my subconscious are thoughts about circumcisions and sticky floors. HATE THAT!
[Sure, I’d love to take the credit for this bit of brilliance, but I can’t remember how to do that hyperlinky thingy and my blog name is cute but the actual address is effing stupid . . . countrymouseflipsout.blogspot.com Donchya think Country Mouse Comes Unhinged is so much better? Obviously, I’ve spent too much time thinking about this : ) ]
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
|I just love it when I pull up to the 'park here if you have kids with you' section of my local grocery store parking lot, and a way-past middle age guy with a paunch driving a sebring convertible slips into the spot of front of me. It's even better when I roll down my window and point out his mistake, and the fact that it's like 10 degrees outside and I have an infant in my backseat, but he just gives me the finger and walks away. Love that.|