Saturday, May 30, 2009

Stains

I can't stand that I never see the grease stains on my clothes until AFTER they run through the dryer...

Arghh

I hate my neighbors and their holier-than-thou attitude. So why is it when my eight-year-old decides to let the F-bomb fly, it has to be in front of their children? I swear, she’s never even said that before at home. And why is it that the whole gang of them just couldn’t wait to march over here to get her into trouble?

Only, you know what? She wasn’t in trouble. I believed her when she said it just slipped out. I know I’m gullible but it’s not like it’s a felony. I’m kind of from the “the more of a big deal we make of this, the more of a big deal it becomes to say that word ALL THE TIME” school of thought.

Still, did it have to be in front of them?

Featured Whiner: June Cleaver Nirvana

Ah, featured whiners. A throwback to the simpler days when Secret Spineless Whine was just a fledgling website, undiscovered by the Russian mafia. This one comes courtesy of Holly over at June Cleaver Nirvana. Give her a big SSW welcome and maybe she'll stick around and animate something for us.


My husband has claimed that a man's maturity peaks around age 6 and then plateaus.

WHY? I don't get it, but here is proof...

My boys were in the bath the other night and my 5 year old wouldn't stop playing with himself.

Yep, he wouldn't stop playing with himself.

I mentioned that he should stop. Yet he continued.

I played the girl card by saying, "Mommy is a girl and doesn't want to see that..."

Yet he continued.

I finally said firmly, "REALLY, PLEASE STOP!"

Yet he continued.

He then looked up at me and said simply, "Mom. It is my remote control."

Profound much?

Of course the three of them didn't look very profound running up and down the upstairs hallway making driving noises while clutching their joysticks a few minutes later.

Holly normally whines about her adventures raising three boys on June Cleaver Nirvana. She has decided not to write about super embarrassing things about her boys on her blog where family, friends and teachers might read it. Of course, she didn't say she wouldn't write about them elsewhere...

Friday, May 29, 2009

I don't know if I have enough strength, patience, and love to get through this all.  I know I've made so many bad choices, and I still have so much growing to do, but I feel like he's moved backward and into more anger and bitterness while I've moved forward.  When is enough enough?  When do I say I love you but I can't do this any more?

I got a letter saying I owe the tax money


and that a tax warrant will be issued unless I pay it.  It's only a few hundred dollars, but this is the first that I'm hearing about it, so I call the number on the letter that says "please call if you have any questions."  And the person who answers the phone doesn't speak English.  I don't mean "doesn't speak English well" or "has an accent" or slurs.  This is what he says "penalty pay. To no pay, file form."

So I say "What penalty for?"
And he says, "Penalty pay. To no pay, file form."
This goes on for a while until I have a complete nervous breakdown.
Bring on the warrant.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

bad basketball seats!

Harvard?

Apparently they don't teach this at Harvard, so let me explain it to you.

If you went to Harvard and someone asks you where you went to school, it's ok to say, "Harvard." You don't have to say "Harvard?" Like there is a chance that the person asking hasn't heard of it. She's heard of it. We've all heard of it.

Bad seats - that cost a lot of money!

Who'd have thought these tickets were $350 a piece!!!



photo

 


just sayin'

i have no whine, but want to see if that cyrillic text will move on down if i send this. :)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

queasy.

please post anonymously ...

i really can't handle this queasy-all-day feeling.
the thought of eating lunch in the teacher's lounge makes me cringe. the thought of eating dinner makes me gag. the thought of making another peanut butter and jelly makes me want to run to the nearest restroom. my husband's smacking of his lips while eating his french toast almost threw me over the edge completely.
and to be totally and completely starving on top of all of that queasy! but only for things i normally HATE. cake (with frosting). beef roast. salami sandwiches. hot dogs. brownies (with sprinkles). argh.
and can i please stop being a bitch and stop having overly vivid dreams now?

why is it that potentially pregnant symptoms show up before you can ever really take a test to see if that's really the case?

and ... i'm not sure that i'm ready for another one. we didn't plan this.
but i guess we didn't NOT plan this either.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Like finding a needle in a fieldtrip

I arranged the bus, sent out the notes, made the reminder calls, and attended the fieldtrip. Parents, for the love of Pete, you only had to do two things. One... bring your kid to school to get on the bus. Two... pay the damn $14 for the fieldtrip. Why do I have to call you (again), and ask for the money. I still have to put it all together to send into the school. Most parents were apologetic. But the worst was a dad that basically hung up on me after I finished my trying to be tactful pay up speech... Wonder if the SOB will even send in the money? 
 
 

Skin whine

I have super-sensitive skin.  Eucerin stopped making or changed the formula in the moisturizer I'd used for years. It gave me a rash.  Now, in my mid 30s I'm in desperate need of a moisturizer.  (A completely separate whine in and of itself.)  So far,  everything makes me rashy!  Or break out.  So now I'm going to South Beach, home of the beautiful people, for our first husband/wife only vacation in seven years with a broken out, rashy face.  Hate my skin.  Taking suggestions if anyone knows of something that will work. 

People That I Know In Real Life, Don't Watch Important Television

like no one's seen "Jon & Kate Plus Eight". So I'm supposed to discuss the show with anonymous strangers on the internet now. And people wonder what's happening to "family values" and "communities".

Friday, May 22, 2009

Double Standards

Attention:

When enforcing a "new" office policy...ALL employees should be held accountable. Your "faves" shouldn't get to choose which ones they feel apply to them. I am tired of being told that time CAN NOT be made up by coming in early or staying late, and then watching one of your little pets leaving at 4pm 3 out 5 days a week while he "makes up" the time by coming in at 7am. I request the use of PT time on Friday morning....to use 3 hours Friday afternoon and you give me a hard time with not enough notice!! It is a holiday weekend.....ALL the clients we deal with are on holiday...and 90% of the office is as well. There is no work coming in today......would you rather me sit at my desk surfing the web on company time??? I would think you would rather me take some PT . So thanks.........thanks for approving my request with your backed handed way of making it seem like I am doing something grossly insubordinate.............you are a great boss......


Sincerely,



"Abuser" of PT

Thursday, May 21, 2009

I'm Chicken

Why do I torture myself eating hot wings?

To that Super B in Payroll

Listen you super bitch in payroll -- don't tell me right off the rip
"there is nothing I can do to help you" that is your f#$#@$#@ job!!!! I
did submit my time card you dumb b!! Don't accuse me of lying -- I
approve timecards all day long - why would I forgot to pay myself. If
you said one more time "you did not submit a time card" I will come
through this phone a rip your head off. I know there was a problem with
the computer system -- you forgot to mention that -- hmmm - and why
would I lie -- I the 3 years I have worked here I have never once
forgotten to submit my timesheet - and your bad attitude was not
appreciated -- I hope you rot in payroll hell.
What you say: "I wish I could give blood, but I have these little tiny veins."

What I hear: "You have big ugly man veins."

What you mean: "I'm too chicken-shit to give blood so I'm using this excuse I once heard someone use in college."

What you should say instead: "I can't give blood, I have syphilis."

And stop eying my Oreos, you syphilis-riden whore. I worked hard for these.

They. Are. Driving. Me. Crazy.

(And there isn't that much of a distance to go to begin with.)
 
My kidlets WILL NOT STAY IN BED at night.  Two hours of putting them back. Every night.  And it's no use to say maybe they just need to have a later bedtime, because they still pop out of bed at an unholy hour each morning regardless of how late they fell asleep, and so now they're just constantly cranky and whiny because they're not getting enough sleep.
 
As a bonus, however, it's getting me my exercise.
 
TeacherMommy

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Lazy, Part 2

You did one load of laundry.  Awesome! But the way you carefully sorted out and washed only YOUR clothes?  Self-centered lazy ass!

POLL

If I had it to do all over, I would never get married.  Would you?

Lazy

Do NOT fill up your cereal bowl with water and leave it in the sink, complete with floating flakes. The sink is right beside the dishwasher, you lazy ass.
Dear Trader Joe's cashier:

When I stop in to buy 2 bottles of wine and a bag of dark chocolate pretzels, the appropriate response is NOT "Oh it must be that time of the month again."

Because it is and I will CUT you bitch. (1)

See you in 28 days!

xoxo, ShallowGal

1) And I would, assuming I had any idea at all what that meant.

Enjoy the Bagels You Bought for Your Boss

Hey guy in the bagel shop -
 
Thanks a ton for demanding that your order be made before the orders of everyone in front of you in line because 'it's the simplest' and you were in a hurry.  As if putting up with your sighing and pacing about the line wasn't enough, you had to go and open your mouth, proving to us all that you truly are a douchebag.  Let me point out to you that there were exactly two people in front of you in line - a nice, elderly woman who ordered a cup of coffee, and me, who ordered a single bagel.  So you were dead wrong that your order of 15 different bagels was the simplest.  You just made an old woman wait (unacceptable), and you made me late for a meeting because your demand flustered the staff so much that they didn't know which way was up after you left.  The clenched jaw and icy stare when you looked my direction?  Not an accident.
 
You're clearly so much higher than I am in the corporate hierarchy, Bagel Bitch. 
 
Maybe one day you'll realize that being less of an asshat will get you further.  Just don't look to anyone like me to recommend you for a real job that doesn't involve running errands and picking up food for the entire office.
 
Sincerely,
Miss Em
 

Homeschooling

After a decade of homeschooling, I am sending my kids to school in the fall.  Thankful to have the responsibility of messing up their education (or not) off my hands.  But feeling guilty that I'm so burned out we're not finishing this year's work.  Mommy guilt sucks. 

Murphy's Law of Toddler Illness

Just to prove Murphy's Law, our toddler woke up this morning with fever.  On the day my husband is leaving to be out of town for three days.  Now I'm questioning the ability of our babysitters to care for said feverish, clingy toddler while I work my four hour shifts every afternoon.  Damn virus has FANTASTIC timing. 

Cancer sucks

It's not fair to find out a friend's son is possibly dying of a brain tumor.  We need a miracle.  If you are the type to pray, please do so.  And if you want to give words of hope, please feel free: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacobmatthewtaylor

Thank you.

Clean your friggin house

I seriously don't mind babysitting for you, but seriously can you
clean or even tidy your figgin house before I come over. Your house is
a shit hole and I didn't want to dare go into the bathroom it was so
disgusting. Please help me out here.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Wheels on the Bus....

I know this is probably unfair. But I work from home. My husband lost his job. Now every day he waits outside to meet the kids. I suppose I should be happy. But it just annoys me. I think part of it is I am secretly holding off as long as possible for the entire world to know he is unemployed. He is outside so much he might as well take out a billboard -- I am  unemployed.  The second, I look forward to the kids running up to greet me. And I've been doing it now for many years... so I'm a cranky bitch... but only on the inside.
 
 

Guns and Asshole

Dear Diminutive Asshole
You don't work here. Why are you here? You are the rudest little prick I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Just because you are the bosses son does not give you the right to come up here and act like king shit of turn mountain (though I'm sure that's a competition you would win) This is an office. I do not care how much you cheated on your last test (though I am fully intending to call the school and tell them about it) I do not give a crap about what kind of gun you are planning to buy and carry around with you at all times. I realize that you have a lot to compensate for, and that carrying a gun might make you feel like a big man but your going to have to trust me on this. There is no amount of armory or ammunition that is going to turn you into a decent human being or a man. You are an immature child and nothing better than a filthy little toe rag. I really wish you would just leave. And for the love of god, wash you hair and get it cut! You look like you live under a bridge. I really wish you could hear what we all say about you when you leave you little asshat. Literally no one likes you. Actually we all think your are a prick.
Also, might I just add that I am completely thrilled that you have stopped speaking to me. I must have really hurt your feelings last week when I refused to change MY radio station on MY computer to your shitty music while you were up here NOT working. Apparenly noone has ever told you "No" before or spoken to you in a manner which you deserve (yes, I was quite rude) but if your reaction is to stop talking to the people who do, I will have to spread the word. I must tell you though, that coming into a room and saying hi to everyone but me and then giving me the stink eye lacks subtlety. What good is being a little asshole if your not even going to do it well?  Leave my office now you 18 year old shithead. You have no business being here. Get out before I use your skinny ass as a javelin and toss you out the 5th story window.

Dear Jackass

This is not the Indy 500. It's not the Autobahn.  It's Plano friggin' Texas, fucktard.  Nonetheless, thanks for cutting me off.  I mean really what a moron I am for accelerating at a normal rate from a red light with my two small children in the car. What was I thinking?  And not to mention the other idiots around us driving normally, gasp! Loved how you were able to cut all of us off while, running your fingers through your hair and flipping us off simultaneously.  Adding those wild hand gestures...what a flourish!  It gave the whole maneuver a certain je ne sais quoi. 
 
Pull that shit when I don't have my children in the car.  I dare you.  Nay, I triple dog dare you.  I will go medieval on your ass.
 
Ah, thanks for the vent.
Dear Auto Body shop:

When I ask when my car will be ready and you say "maybe tomorrow?" That doesn't inspire confidence.

xoxo, SG


PS: it's going to be hard to shlep 3 kids around on the back of my bike, so sooner would be better.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Yay You Graduated!

Dear Cousin,

I get that graduations are busy. But you're not a High School-er. You are graduating college. And you're not even done with school since you're going on to graduate school. I'm sorry I couldn't go to your ceremony since I was visiting my dying grandmother instead. That still doesn't give you an excuse to ignore your family to whom you sent an invitation and from whom you received a card with two (TWO!) gift cards in it. We called you 3 times, and left 2 texts. I can understand if your battery is low for 1 day, but it's been 3 days and no return texts or calls. No 'Thanks You'. Nothing. Remind me not to send you anything or bother to go to your next graduation. Bitch.

Sincerely,

Aludra

Fucktards

Seriously......I HATE "fucktards" who seem to need to ruin everyone's good time. Case in point....the fucktard that keeps posting these lame ass posts that make you leave the page.....fucking losers.....


yours truly,



"Hater of the Fucktards"

Chew louder

Seriously, chew the gum louder. I don't think they can hear you upstairs. Though I certainly can and I am NOT EVEN IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU! Gross!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Serves myself right, I guess!

I indulged myself.
I spent all morning cuddled in my bed with my 8yo son watching cartoons, and as punishment I'm still doing the laundry, and it's 2am!
 

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I lost 5 games of Wii tennis to my daughter yesterday

and then I thought that I was having a stroke because my arm was sore/numb. But no, it was from the Wii.

And then I lost 800 games of Wii baseball to my son, but only because I thought that I was pitching, but I was really at bat. Like, am I just supposed to know that I'm batting just because my Mii is standing there with a bat?!
It's May. I don't care who you voted for. Take off the damn bumper sticker.

Friday, May 15, 2009

You're right, I really do have 3 kids!

I "bribe" my 2 sons in to going round the house in an evening and bringing back all the items of crockery etc that should go in the dishwasher.
 
They get 2 Smarties (Like M&Ms for people who aren't familiar with Smarties) for looking and trying, and 1 additional Smartie for every item they bring back. (We had tears one day because there was nothing to be found, so we implemented the "trying" reward)
 
Hubby actually joined in the other day, and expected Smarties??
 
WTF??
 

If your car is going to "boom"

at least make it sound good. My neighbors car sounds like crap. The
crappy stereo system threatens to rattle apart the piece of shit car
that it is in all the while rattling our windows. Turn it off or at
least get a good sounding system Jackass

http://soggy-doggy-bloggy.blogspot.com/

You with the green thumb

Thanks for keeping up your yard and putting in new sod under that tree. Did you know that you put in a completely different type of grass? St. Augustine. Right and what you have now and we all have is Bermuda. They are a little different as you can see now that it's really taking off.  Bermuda takes less water and that's why we have it here. Good luck with that and keeping it to yourself cuz I don't need that over here.  

PLEASE

PLEASE GET RID OF THE STUPID SPAM THAT AUTOMATICALLY JUMPS US AWAY FROM THE SITE!!!
 
Sorry for yelling, but it is SERIOUSLY pissing me off.

whine about the whine

I can’t read the whines! WHY?!?! Why torment me so?

There’s some weird overlap under lap thing where whole words,

even sentences are missing and I can’t read them.

Who’s lining the whines up?

Note: I made my whine so it’d fit.

Still trivial. But still *extremely* important. To nobody but me . . .

My mother-in-law says it.  Therefore my husband does.  As does one of my children.  And it makes me want to tear my own ears off so I never have to hear them say it again. 
 
It goes like this:  When asking a child a question regarding playing with certain toys, they say, "Would you like to play with Lego?"
 
It's "play LegoS" plural--Legos are plural!!!  You don't just play with *one* Lego. 
 
It's official.  I'm a bitch. 

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Let's play a game. Put your arms straight out, like you're an airplane. Now twirl around in a circle. Just once. You don't actually need to take off. All that air you touched? Let's call that your personal space.

Now pretend I did the same thing. We're going to call that air my personal space. Do you see the difference? It's there if you look really hard. I'll give you a hint: One is YOURS and one is MINE. Hows about you stay in YOURS and I'll stay in MINE. See how nicely we can co-exist?

You know what? You got that so quickly I think we might even try something I like to call advanced personal space. Pretend you need something that is in my personal space. Can you think of some words that you might use? No, not grunting. Maybe excuse me? See how I just stop and let you go? And it barely hurt, right?

That's probably enough for today. Sleep on that and we can try some more lessons in basic human behavior tomorrow.

xo, ShallowGal

Not My Big Brother

When did my beloved older brother turn into a major asshole? He is incredibly smart and funny and loving. He was my big brother in the best sense of the word -- protector, advisor, teacher, friend. He has encouraged me in many ways over the years when I needed it most. I've sought his opinion and listened to it for 40 years. I have valued his opinion of me, good and bad.
But...
Not so much, any more. Am I growing up? Am I seeing what was always there but was obscured by rose-colored glasses? Or has he changed for the worse? Or have I? Why do his opinions now seem like ranting? Why does every conversation seem like a stage for his monologue? I used to relish intense debates, a staple of our family interactions, but now I avoid them because I feel abused. He seems like such a hypocrite, and it's hard to respect him. And that breaks my heart.

I'm Sad

My parents are leaving today for West Africa and will not be back in the country for two years.
 
I am very sad.
 

Fine. So maybe it *is* a bit trivial . . .

If I have to hear this mispronounced *one more time* I just don't know what I'll do.  Set fire to something probably.
 
It's eTsy.  Not eSty.
 
Seriously, people--learn to sound things out properly!!!!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ice Cream

I just had an ice cream bar and instead of feeling refreshed, I feel stuffed. Maybe I need another one for that "refreshed" feeling? And does anyone else think of douche when they hear "refreshed"?

You May Leave Now

Thanks so much for having this little space where I can vent, because sometimes I just look at the man and think...you should go now. Really, just leave. Go to work, play golf, do something with one of your friends...(oh wait he has no friends. Hmmm, why is that?)  At any rate if I have to sit here for just one more minute and deal with him and be patient, and polite, and.... Last nite for example. I had been given a gift certificate for dinner at a popular local restaurant for a Mother's Day present. Money is tight and pay day is a few days away. However, I thought it would be nice to go on a week nite when it wouldn't be so crowded. If we picked modest priced items from the menu the certificate would cover the expense. The least expensive item was a small steak, garlic mashed potatoes & steamed vegies. I could live with that. He has certainly ordered much the same item before...but oh no, not tonight...small steak. Can't eat unless we gorge ourselves. Now we'd already outlined the budget limitations but when the waitress comes he jumped right in and ordered a much more expensive entrée. He smirks. Ha ha, didn't see that coming. Then hoping he could push his luck he considered having dessert also, (heavens knows how he could have possibly have room for it) but perhaps the glare I shot in his direction direction convinced him it would be a poor idea. His eyes darted back and forth wildly before he declined the opportunity...
 
Yes, happy Mother's Day pig face. You can take the simplest thing and suck all the joy out of it.  Don't go away mad, just go away okay?
 
And please post this anonymously because for the guy who never notices a new hair cut, a nicely laid table, etc. he has an intense interest in checking computer history and then follows to all the sites I've visited. Guess he gets to do that while he deletes all the porn sites he has been to...yesssss, what a prince.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

My wife won’t set up the voice mail on her new iPhone.  Waaaah.

REALLY???

What EVER made you think I would actually WANT a stripper!!! dress!!!!!! for Mother's Day???!!  And did you think I wouldn't find out you bought another woman one almost exactly like it???

Derrrr

Context: English 11 class is taking a quiz after viewing Much Ado About Nothing, answering questions about the play, and doing some activities around the text. The title has been prominently displayed, not to mention mentioned, throughout the week.

Young Idiot: Ms. TeacherMommy? There's a typo here.

 
TeacherMommy (gasping with dismay):
Where? Where, for the love of God!?!?!
 
Young Idiot (pointing to the top of the quiz): Right here.
 
TeacherMommy (puzzled): Where? I don't see anything.
 
Young Idiot: Right there! That word!
 
He points to the second word in the title. As in "Ado."
 
Young Idiot: It's supposed to be "Much TO DO About Nothing!"
 
TeacherMommy: *bangs head against dry erase board, speechless*

You know what they say about there being no stupid questions?

Yeah. They're wrong.

GMA: Mothers Who Go To Extremes To Resemble Their Daughters

So GMA profiled a mother who endured multilple plastic surgeries to resemble her daughter (in her 20s) I think. And Diane Sawyer is all shocked about this and is talking to a psychologist because he is seeing an increase in this.

And he is saying "there's a pressure on women to look youthful" blah blah blah.

Let me simplify this for you: They're out of their fucking minds.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Don't Lie to Me

We've been friends for over a decade and we happen to work together.  When I started putting 2 and 2 together about something that might go down at work, and I asked you about it, you looked me in the face and lied.  Then it went down two days later.  Don't act like you didn't know, and don't act like this won't affect our 'friendship.'  You and I hold the same level positions in different departments, so don't you dare even try to claim that I wasn't in the 'need to know' and you were.

Why?

 

When our single friend told us she was unexpectedly pregnant, why did she feel the need to talk to you so much about it?  And get your opinion as to what she should do?  I’ve been ignoring these thoughts for over a year.  Perhaps I should ask you the question now.  Or perhaps not. 

 

 

I hate insurance

I just realized that my insurance doesn't cover any pregnancy related stuff. As in appointments, labor or any hospital stay. Not that it matters, as I'm no longer pregnant, but I hope to be again one day. I pay through the nose for this insurance, because of a pre-existing condition and they still cover nothing.

FYI - My pre-existing condition is Asthma. God forbid I had something worse, I'd have never found insurance. And people wonder why so many people go insured.

Insurance SUCKS!!!!!

Crap TP

You’re not saving any money buying that cheap ass toilet paper ‘cause I have to use a lot more of it.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Breakfast in Bed is a Huge Scam

Who the fuck thinks that adult women want "breakfast in bed" made by children with runny noses and surpervised by men who scratch themselves? If this were a restaurant, the Board of Health would have shut this party down a long time ago.

As far as I can tell, it's some kind of a scam by Madison Avenue to lull women into thinking that they want breakfast in bed instead of say, being able to sleep in and be left alone. What else could possibly explain this nationwide obsession with breakfast in bed? Let's break this down.

The idea is that after a year of slaving in the kitchen, preparing breakfast feasts for your family (aka opening a cereal box), they make it up to you by serving the mom breakfast. First of all, doesn't the one meal a year sort of just rub it in that the rest of year you're on breakfast duty? Why are they off the hook after one attempt? Is it like some sort of Yom Kippur of breakfast attonement?

Any what's with the bed? Are we Roman emperors now? Am I the only one who immediately sees all the crumbs that I will have to deal with until the moment that I give up and have to wash the sheets? Are we supposed to time Mother's Day with laundry day? Because that really eats into my luxury appreciation. And don't get me started on the state of the kitchen after the breakfast is prepared. If just imaging that is not enough to get a piece of toast stuck in your throat, I congratulate you on your mighty esophagus.

My favorite is when they bring the newspaper to me in bed. "Here! Enjoy!" Two wars, a recession and swine flu? Really, you spoil me!

Here's to all the moms on SSW--I hope that your day is lovely and that your family is kind to you. And next year, let's aim for cocktails in bed!

Did you think it was OKAY to do that?

You're sick!

You put all of us through hell tonight, thinking you were dead because of your status on Myspace: "John was pronounced dead tonight at regional hospital at 10pm. Blame the drunk driver."



WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?! The fact that no one could get ahold of you or your parents made matters even worse.  I cannot believe you'd stoop THAT low just to gain attention. Well, it worked, you dipshit. Do you know how scared and worried we were after waiting THREE hours for a real answer to see if it was real or a joke? We called the hospital, the deputy, EVERYTHING. . .

And DO NOT say you're sorry and how you shouldn't be getting yelled at by all of us. You know damn well why.


You have lost all respect from me and pretty much the rest of the group after your incredibly stupid move tonight!

THINK before you do!


I'm normally not this angry, so be sure to check me out.
:)

www.thewaterbottleblog.blogspot.com


Friday, May 8, 2009

Unstructured, bad-grammared, tired after a long day, ranty whinge.

So, after 16 years without a proper job, kicking you out then letting you come back again a few days later seems to have spurred you in to action and you've got a job.
 
But you're acting like you've done something HUGE, something monumental. The way you're behaving, anyone would think that you'd made some HUGE sacrifice.
 
Nope, you're now doing what you should have been doing all that time.
 
Don't expect the equivalent of a round of applause.
You're not a toddler being encouraged to use a potty.
There are no "mummy-rewards" for finally contributing financially to the upkeep of your family. (You're paid less than I am, so you're not yet making an equal contribution, AND you have over a decade to catch up on)
What? You don't like that? Tough, I've been doing it all this time and you've never once thanked me for paying the mortgage or earning money for our food, or to pay the electricity bills etc.
I've had no round of applause for working full-time and missing seeing my sons growing up and taking their first steps.
 
You've laid down the law about what time you must leave the house in the morning, and it's by 8:20am.
OK - so just go. Don't start stamping around at 8:15am saying "I need to leave now" - we know, just get your gear on and go.
We're not stopping you. You're behaving like a child who is running away "Look, I'm running away now, and you're not going to stop me!" (In secret hope that someone's going to stop them)
 
You arrive home anytime between 5:30pm and 6:30pm
When you get home, don't whine if your meal isn't ready or its cold. I'm not psychic. I made food for the kids at 5:30pm. I made an extra setting for you, if you're home late, then yes, it will be cold, so the next day, I make food to be ready by 6:30pm and you get home at 5:30pm and complain because you're hungry and the food will be another hour. Oh grow up! Have a slice of bread or a drink of water and wait! Give it a minute in the microwave if the food is cold.
When you were home all day, doing nothing except school runs, regularly you wouldn't have the food ready until 7pm, even on a school night, which means that so far, I'm doing better than your track record.
 
We've swapped from you taking the kids to and from school every day, to me doing it.
You're suddenly not even slightly interested in how the kids are being cared for at all.
I was expecting a 50% stake when it came to sorting out childcare, not the attitude that you appear to have developed overnight where Childcare is woman's work. You're just plainly not interested at all in how our 8yr old is getting home from school (We don't have yellow busses in England) or who's caring for him until I finish work.
 
I've had to jump through hoops at work to arrange to finish at 3pm every day instead of my normal 4pm. And there are further, higher, flaming hoops to jump through in order to change so that I don't have to work in the school holidays. I'll jump through them though, because I want to have the chance to spend time with my sons. No, I'm not expecting a round of applause for doing it. What I am expecting is happier children who know that mum's there for them when they need her, and I'm there even when they're not so keen on having me around, and I'm not just letting them spend all day of the summer holidays playing XBox like you do.
 
But, I guess I've brought all this on myself by insisting that you "be a man" and provide for your family.
You weren't providing for us emotionally, intellectually or financially before, so I guess that now you have a job, I will have to settle for you almost providing one out of the three (for now)
 
 
(And yes, I'm still worried that you only got the job so that you'd have a chance at getting custody of the boys, because when I threw you out you realised that you didn't have a hope in hell of gaining custody as you'd no means of supporting them.
Once I've changed my working pattern permanently to Term-Time, I'll still have the advantage, as I will be providing for them in all 3 ways, and by being able to be there when they're not in school. So don't be smug, you haven't won, and you won't win this one.)
 

Socks

I would really appreciate it if my husband got a million pairs of socks all the same color and without any pattern. Because that would make matching them up after laundry so much easier.

No Mother's Day for You

Dear Joyce-
  Please do us all a favor and try not to take too much credit on Mother's Day, as all signs point to your slackass job of raising your kids. Your son has been unemployed for an entire year now with no prospects on the horizon.  And I guess it is a good thing that your daughter in law IS smarter than all of you because SHE has been and still is the one keeping things afloat. But we know you are SO busy taking care of your illegitimate grandaughter, since you forgot to tell your daughter the importance of keeping her legs together. Especially when you are already a 40 year old single mother barely scraping by.  And quit passing yourself off as a Republican - you're not conservative- you just suffer from living your whole life in a crapass small town - and that's not the same thing.
 
TTFN-
Dontcha wish he hadn't married me?
 
 
 

Why YES!

I should be doing all the cooking, all the laundry and all the cleaning.  Especially since I'm the one with a job and you're not.  Sometimes I really do hate you.

anonymous

eyes...cannot....stay....open....

I don't know how many weeks it's been since I've had a full night's sleep and last night getting to bed around 1 am and then being woken at 4:45 by a poopy 2-yr-old who then is wide awake and bouncy and wants to point out everything he sees and share everything he's thinking MAKES ME SO FRICKIN' TIRED I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION.
 
And no, naps are not an option.  The students wouldn't really care, but the admin would.

*pout*

Here I did an absolutely fabulous Fashion Friday post (OK, so I did it on Thursday, but it so totally counts) in preparation for Big Mama's Fashion Friday Mr. Linky-fest, and now she's not doing it.  She's taking a summer hiatus.
 
I could almost hate her, except she's still fabulous.  So I can't.
 
So I'm posting the link here instead.  It's fabulous--all the jewelry I think children and spouses SHOULD be getting us for Mother's Day.  If you want some great ideas to keep in your arsenal, or actually need to get ideas for your own mothers (it better be for next year, losers, because it's THIS SUNDAY), head over and check it out.
 
Because I just may cry if all that work went for nothing.
 

Professional Grammer and Punctuation Whine

" < These two little lines are called a "quotation mark." They are many appropriate times to use the quotation mark. Say, when you are quoting something someone said. However, quotation marks are NOT to be used for emphasis. For instance the head line "Woman Shot "Dead" in Own Home" does not make sense (except of course where I used them to quote the title. See how that works? Daily Mail, this one is for you). This leaves the reader wondering if the victim is really dead or not. It it a joke? Are you being facetious? If so it is in very poor taste. What you meant to say was "Woman Shot Dead in Own Home" See how the letters are all slanted? That is called italics and it is a perfectly acceptable way to put emphasis on a certain word. Please for the love of GOD, stop using quotation marks for emphasis! I'm not just talking to the news media now (though they should know better than anyone) All adults should know this. I seem to recall one day in the 2nd grade when they taught us what quotation marks were for.
This is elementary stuff people. I cannot tell you how many forms cross my desk each week from people who do not know how to use simple punctuation or even worse, simple grammer. This is a BUSINESS and I really would like it if some commen sense were employed at some point. You are an adult and a professional.  It makes you look very stupid when you submitt a form that says "Johnny were "NOT" sitting in his seat" Please people, I'm begging you. I'm not asking for perfection. I certainly do not get it right all the time. I have probably even made a few errors in this whine. But is a little subject verb agreement too much to ask?   

Thursday, May 7, 2009

F**K you and your class.

Dear government teacher, you cannot teach. I don't care if you have tenure or seniority because you've been teaching for 25 years. I DON'T CARE. It doesn't mean you are the best teacher possible.

You're annoying, you talk too much, and your notes suck. Quit cracking jokes and laughing at yourself when you realize no one else is laughing. And don't assume we don't "get it" when we don't laugh, because we do, we just think you're a dumbass and you like the sound of your own vomit-inducing voice.

Yet, I work hard in your class.  I study, I mean, I really study in that class because it is required for graduation which is in TWO weeks, mind you. When the student-teacher intern was in charge of us for three months, we were all passing. But now that he's gone and you're back, our grades are going to shit before our last week of school because you don't know what you're doing.

 You've slammed us with two useless, yet huge projects due within the same week this week, which is fucking stupid of you because you know we have 6 other classes. Right now, I'm RE-DOING the second project because you LOST it. When I asked you about it and why it wasn't in the return tray like all of our graded work is, you blamed it on a student possibly stealing it. Yeah, I'm having a hard time believing that as I glance over at your mess of a desk.

So why should I do the project the way YOU want it to look like? Hmmm? Like that extra piece of blank paper you want us to add to the end of our project, for instance, to give it a "finished" look is just stupid. A complete waste of paper. I think I should say something on it. . . . or wipe my ass with it.


But, please, do us and the future generations a huge favor and retire, you annoying, senile, picky bitch.

15 Word Whine

Baseball was rained out in the first inning but he still got his pants filthy.

Hey you, Co-Worker:

Yes it is true that our office is directly across the street from the Catholic Church.  And yes it is true that every hour, on the hour the bells ring.  Why must you hum to the bells and then say aloud “DONG, DONG, DONG, DONG” each time the bell sounds for another hour.  UGH!  Stop it already; the bells are enough distraction, I don’t need to hear you “DONG” too!
Dork!

 

I HATE COMPUTERS!

Why is it that computers never seem to work especially when you need them to the most!!! I am at work right now, and I have deadlines! However I can't get anything done because my computer DOESN'T WORK RIGHT! It is constantly freezing up and programs are shutting down on there own… It is like it has a mind of its own like it is possessed or something!

Then when I call IT to have them help me figure out what the issue is NONE of them answer. What is the point of having people in the IT dept, when they NEVER do anything when it needs to be done? I work at a bank this should not be an issue! UGH… I HATE COMPUTERS!

Anonymous

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Job whine

How did a 6-12 hour a week part time job turn into 30+ a week with the possibility of heading into management in the future?  I love being a stay-at-home mommy.  I enjoyed homeschooling my kids.  But now, I'm getting sucked in.  And missing my kids ballet classes.  And enrolling them in school for the fall for the FIRST time.  And trying to figure out part-time day care for my 2 year old.  I enjoy working a little but I hate so much of this!  Is it worth it?   Especially considering it's radio -- minimum wage and they're jerking me and my family around with the hours and constant state of flux.  Yes, a 35-year-old college grad making MINIMUM WAGE. 

Hirsute Harriet

Apparently, it isn’t enough that I shave once a month (for the benefit of the massage therapist – the boyfriend has been around so long he doesn’t rate that consideration).  The weather is making it necessary to wear shorts so now I’ll have to shave every day.  Ugh!!  I wish I had listened to my mom and never started shaving.

 

Not you too

Why do you have to rain on my parade?  I was excited to start a new weight loss routine and you go and say things like, “Oooh, that’s a hard DVD to follow” and “are you sure you can do it?”  Yeah, you’re being discouraging and you’re pissing me off.  I’m not naturally thin like you, but at least I’m trying to do something about it.  How about you just tell me, “you’re a FAT ASS and no matter how many DVD’s you buy, you’ll never look as good as me.” 
Bitch.

 

she's 2 how old are you?

When your daughter says "NO" to hugging, kissing and telling you she loves you it is not to be taken personally. She is 2 you are 35 years older than she is which means that your emotional intelligence should eclipse hers. Stomping off to work in a self pity pout is really unattractive and just makes you look like an idiot

Please Join Me On Gmail! We'll Have Champagne and Dance

I love Gmail. I love that it's free and that it...er..sends email.

But every time I email someone who doesn't have Gmail, I get this little notice "Invite this person to Gmail." Seriously, what kind of a loser do I look like that I now have to invite people to Gmail? And what would this invitation look like?

Can't I just send and receive email on Gmail without being guilt-tripped by Gmail every single time I communicate with a non-Gmailer?!

15 Word Whine

Accidentally putting on your underwear backwards provides an interesting but uncomfortable start to the day.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Busy, Busy Day

I've been so busy at work that I haven't even have time for the basics - like remembering my own last name or using the 'facilities'.  This morning I absolutely had to get a fax out RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, so I'm standing at the fax machine trying not to do the gotta-pee dance.  While I'm waiting for my fax to go through and focusing all my attention on not moving an inch, my boss walks by and I sneeze.  But it's a stifled 'don't want to wet my pants' sneeze/warble/small-animal-dying-sound that comes out of my mouth.  My boss looks at me like I'm an idiot, but I can't exactly look back and explain to him what was going on.  Next time I'll just throw on some Depends.
 
Miss Em

Swimsuit Season...ugh

I realize that my XXL ass is very fat but is it really too much to ask to be able to find a swimsuit bottom that does not look like a GD parachute? Seriously? Do they ALL have to look like granny panties? Fat people like cute clothes too!

To Whom It May Concern,


How f#cking hard is it to hang up the hand towel after you've used it to dry your hands? What is it that you have to do that is so important that you can't spend the extra 4 seconds it takes to hang the towel back up, so you leave it crumpled on the counter instead?

Are you f#cking blind? Can you not see that stack of laundry or that grocery bag of toiletries sitting on the bench in the foyer? For four years, I've been placing things that need to be carried upstairs on this bench. And for four years you've been walking right past the bench and the stacks or bags or whatever happens to be sitting on the bench, and walking right up the stairs empty-handed.

Every day with the coffee spills. Every. F#cking. Day. A sticky trail of coffee from the kitchen, through the mudroom, and out the back door. I bought you two travel mugs. With lids! Use them!

Are you f#cking kidding me? You're going to sit there at the kitchen table and ask me what the date is when there is a calendar - wait, two calendars - hanging right behind you on the fridge? Is the effort required for you to turn your neck and focus your eyes too much for you to handle?

Apparently, your interpretation of my job description is misguided. I am neither your mother nor your maid.


Sincerely,

Your Wife


I can't believe I married you!

It was bad enough you did it once before. Didn't you get the message when I flipped my fucking lid last time? Stop using my fucking bath towel (because you you forgot you put yours in the laundry and you're too fucking lazy to get another one for yourself)! And if  you HAVE to....throw it in the laundry! When I see my towel exactly where I left it, I do NOT expect to wrap myself in a WET towel after my shower. And seriously, I don't care if  you are supposed to be coming out clean...anything that's been remotely near your anus is NOT clean!!! I hate you!!!

 

The Other Boufs

Haiku whine

They are our children
who daily wake up early
and want their breakfast

Someone has to help;
Your loud sighs of annoyance
are just annoying

Tomorrow: get up,
quit whining, and let me sleep
in. It's only fair.

Monday, May 4, 2009

If there's anything worse than a serial killer...

...it's a manic TV anchor assigned to report on the alleged serial
killer!

For the love of God, who in the hell is this Jane Velez-Mitchell on
CNN's Headline News? Where did she come from, and how in the world
did she get a job?

And most importantly, what's with the Florence Henderson Brady-Bunch
era hair?

Oh my god, I have PTSD just from watching five minutes!

http://hereswhatidontget.blogspot.com

15 W*rd Whine

The "O" key gone from my laptop. I have to poke sensor with a pen.

speed limit

i live in a smallish town; our speed limit is 25- and guess what? i go like 30, 35 ish on my street because hey-it's MY street. So why did some douchbag driver inSIST on speeding up to my bumper going 50? and when i continued to go ABOVE the speed limit, why did they speed around me; get in front of me then fucking SLAM on their brakes so hard i had to swerve to miss the ass of their car!!!!???? WHO FUCKING DOES THAT! they came to a COMPLETE stop.  i have a CHILD- A 2 YEAR- old in my car. what gives you the right to almost kill both of us?  and when i chase you down to the red light you got caught at (btw-congratulations-you made it to a red light)  and proceed to get out of my car to scream at you don't give ME the finger like it was my fault. i just want you to know what your doing when you mess with people's lives like that.
fucking jersey.

Food for Thought

You ask me what is wrong, when you call to tell me you and the kids are stopping to pick up Chinese food.
 
You are unemployed. We just found out we can't sell our second home without losing our asses on it when we pay the taxes.
 
I am filling out financial aid papers for the kids.
 
You wonder, why do I lose my appetite. My version would be to go to the store and buy some less expensive food.... make it from scratch even. Not you, Mr. Fun (unfucking employed) Dad.
 
I am always the meanie and you are Mr. Fun.
 
I am so fed up with it!

anon whine

Yes, we paid multiple thousands of dollars for season Symphony tickets and I appreciate that we can do this.
 
Yes, I would rather not go hear Manhattan Fucking Transfer sing Thursday night in favor of going to hear my 6 year old son sing in his school program, which I know will last too long, involve other people's overrated kids, and smell funny because it's in the caf-a-gym-a-torium.
 
But I'd still rather go see my kid and waste the precious expensive goddamn tickets.
 
I'm sorry you don't feel the same.
 
Also note: When you buy season tickets you can't possibly know every goddamn conflict with every goddamn school event that might possibly occur over the next year.  THAT would be why we had no plans for a school event Thursday night.  Duh.

Dear minimum wage employee

I know you're germ-phobic, and the whole swine flu thing has you practically beside yourself, but do you REALLY have to use an entire extra large (not the dollar store size, HUGE) roll of paper towels every single 4-hour shift??? How is using 8 - 10 squares at a time making you safer? How can you possibly use that many paper towels? Are you covering the entire floor with them? I'm going to buy the cheap ones with wood-chips in them this time, we've used up the 12-pack roll I got last week already.

Anonymous (and evidently very cheap) boss.
I do not control the weather. I cannot predict the weather. It is not my fault if it rains Saturday. It's a YARD SALE for cripes sake, not a lung transplant. If it rains, just donate all your crap to charity and call it a day.

I'm usually more clever than this...really

I'm June Cleaver Nirvana's Peep of the Week and my current post is totally lame!  This sucks.  I need to be witty right....now!

(nope. still nothing)

--
Manic Mommy
http://shesjustanothermanicmommy.blogspot.com/

My worst fears are coming true

I'm turning into my mother and I so alone.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

To the people in front of me - it's an EXPRESS lane. For people who only need a couple of grocery items. The supermarket even puts up a helpful little sign above the checkout that says 'Express Lane - 12 Items or Less'. Dividing up the contents of your basket and paying for each lot of 12 separately does not count. You're killing the 'Express' part of the process for the rest of us. Please go use a regular checkout like all the other people are doing. And I know coins are legal tender and all that, but for the love of all thats good and holy please don't start counting out the small ones to pay for your third batch of groceries.

And person behind me - if I can feel your breath on my neck, you're standing too close.

Stop Looking So Comfortable!

It's really annoying to me when I have to get up and do 10,000 chores and the cat is all stretched out on the bed looking comfy and cozy. Shouldn't she be risking her life hunting for a mouse or something? Maybe I need to buy some.

For whining out loud,

I don't care what you did today
 
I hate diary blogs. I can't understand how these people think that we want to read about their boring lives everyday. "Little Johnny got up and went to school and I went shopping for cat food, blah blah blah."
 
At least tie your daily non-tidbits to something bigger or something philosophical. Make me laugh, make me think, make me cry, make me envious of your writing talent. But, please, please, please stop posting your mundane daily dairy entries online. Because all you're doing is making me whine.
 
p.s. great idea for a blog, although you're making me whine too...

Friday, May 1, 2009

I'd rather listen to fingernails on a chalkboard than my classmate.

Could you possibly be more annoying? You never wipe your mouth while you eat, because you’re too busy interrupting other people’s conversations. You are not 7! You are 41! (This is college, for those of you wondering.) You were not invited into the very personal conversation I was having with another classmate so take your under-medicated, overweight, under-washed self somewhere else. None of us like you. None of us want to like you. We’ve put up with you for two years and only have one more semester. I hope that we make it. Please, learn to keep your mouth shut, especially when eating. Actually, just keep your mouth shut all the time. We don’t care about your “asthmatic” son that works for a lawn service company or your “health nut” husband that is going in for bypass surgery next week. We simply don’t care anymore about you. If you make it through respiratory therapy school, good for you, but if I ever see you near any of my family members, I’m calling the cops.

Anonymous, please.

Thanks.

Dear B*tch at the Front Desk of the Dr's office

I know you know me, and I know you know my boyfriend, because we see you almost once a week since I go up there to give the doctor more background medical information so he can help figure out what the F is wrong with my boyfriend, because we have numerous appointments for the doctor to run more labs on his blood, and because I go up there to pick up my boyfriends analysis because he doesn't have time.

You know that my boyfriend has a serious, almost debilitating disease that the doctor is going out of his way to figure out, to the point of looking over the files over the weekend during his personal time.  So, it's not like I'm calling as some stranger to request oddball illegal shit.

I called to ask you very politely to fax over the latest blood tests so that the new doctor from a VERY prestigious school can help figure out what the F has my boyfriend in the hospital once a month for the last YEAR AND A HALF so that it's one less test we have to pay for and have performed later and I get attitude.  Not only do you say that you need the doctors consent (to have it sent straight the fuck over to the other doctor's office), but you also inform me that he won't be in until 9:30 AM on MONDAY and our appointment is at 8:00 AM on MONDAY.

You allow me (the girlfriend, not wife, sibling, etc, you get the point) to pick up papers with all kinds of information about my boyfriend to bring home, violating HIPPA all over the place, but you won't send it from one doctor's office to another?????

I've contacted over 5 hospitals to have records sent over and NONE OF THEM had to get the doctor's approval before sending it over.

YANK THE FUCKING TAMPON OUT ALREADY AND BE HELPFUL, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!,

Your very grateful to the doctor patient.

PS I won't even complain about the fact that you've got a sour attitude EVERY TIME we are there even though we are more than polite.

Screw you Rhode Island

Not that I’ve ever been fond of that stupid tiny state. I mean seriously you can walk across it in a day- but now? Those Fuckers are jerking me around. I’ve been trying to get a supposedly “simple” document- a copy of my elder daughter’s birth certificate. I’ve sent them paperwork FIVE fuckin’ times now. There’s ALWAYS something wrong. Seriously can’t you tell me EVERYTHING that’s wrong with what I’m sending you and not one fuckin’ thing at a time. We’re only trying to get our passports done before August and I’ve only been dealing with them since FUCKING JULY LAST YEAR. No rush. Dick heads.

I DO Have a Land Line, You Know

And you can even call it! 

I know that sounds like a shocking idea.  But remember back in the day?  Back before we had cell phones?  Back when we had to write letters to each other in order to communicate?  Then came phones with looooooongggg cords attached to walls.  Handy for walking around the kitchen and doing dishes while chatting.  Then came the intense novelty of answering machines.  Actual machines.  That you plugged into the wall.  And then we finally got all high tech with digital voice mail and cell phones and 8 frajillion other ways to stay connected at all times.  But here's the cuckoo nutty thing: if I don't answer my cell when you call, and I don't call you back when you leave a message, and that happens for five or six days, don't you think PERHAPS, just perhaps, the problem might be that I've lost the damn thing?  Or that the battery is dead and the charger is broken?  Or that there is actually a reason I CAN'T get your message?  And that if you really wanted to talk to me, instead of leaving a dozen increasingly frustrated messages on my cell, you might try calling my actual home phone number ONCE and *gasp* leaving a message there too?

Because, honestly, there are weeks when I have too much to do to remember to charge the stupid cell phone battery.

But my home phone?  It always works.

And I will call you back.

The whine about the husband

The husband sucks. The husband got drunk and picked fights with people at my mother's funeral.  My siblings are pissed off and don't want to ever see him again. In fact, they think he's dangerous. I don't think he's dangerous - I know he's depressed and angry.

What am I supposed to do? Apologize for him? NO. Defend him? NO. 

Fuck this shit.

I've told him that he needs to make amends - he claims he's circling around it, trying to find the right way, the right words.

Did I say fuck this shit? Well, I said it again.

Time to call the shrink.

Good Luck?

I parked under my neighbor's tree last night and my car got strafed by birds.  Really.  There was like an effing Rorschach test on my front windshield this morning.  So I of course threw on the washer/wipers, causing some turds to pebble off and collect at the hood and the rest to smear across the windshield. So now instead of Rorschach, I've got Jackson Pollack.  Did I mention I just got the car washed two days ago?

--
Manic Mommy
http://shesjustanothermanicmommy.blogspot.com/
According to my sources RSVP means "Répondez s'il vous plaît" which is French for "Please Reply"

This is obviously confusing to some people, so this is both a whine AND a public service announcement.

ACK!!!

Blogpatrol isn't working!  So now I have no way of seeing how many people have visited my blog today, especially since ONLY TWO people have posted comments and so now I'm totally paranoid that people have forgotten I exist or WORSE don't care!
 
Damn you, BP!
 

Casual Friday

Call me old fashion, call me a bitch, call me something, but I just
don't agree with Casual Friday. What more causal do you need that
"Business Casual"? And BTW, it is called Casual Friday, not I am going
to Clean out the Garage Friday. For the Love of GOD -- How in the world
did you think, when you woke up this morning, that sneakers, wrinkly
jeans and a wrinkled, untucked shirt was OK to wear to work?????? WE
work at a Fortune 5 company not 7/11 - Sweet Jesus!! I will totally call
you out on it -- who am I -- some one who CARES!!! Really -- would it
kill you to wear a belt!!! You are 35!!! We do not work at some hip
company like eBay or Yahoo -- and if I have to see you tramp stamp when
you bend over -- you shirt is too short!!!! Thank you and have a great,
shirt tucked in, day.

Going to the ...spa? Yeah.. the spa.

Ok, so I hate those whines that make me cringe and you know exactly what I'm talking about so, I am sparing you my "I'm gonna make you bawl just reading this pathetic shit".  You're welcome, fellow whineees.
 
Now, you may offer me some cheese because, here goes...
 
I found a lump, yeah. .. and I don't mean in my pancake.  It pisses me off actually.  My job is unsteady, my husband is gone, I have two kids who for some reason think they need things like food and clothing and attention, all I need now is for my dog to die and then I've got a perfect friggin country song  (I don't have a dog thank God or I'd really be worried about Sparky). 
 
The best part is here at work if anything happens to anyone, it's through the floor like a house on fire.  Everyone gets all up in your shit.  Which, I am sure is really nice for some people.  For me, not so much.  I'm the lay low type.  So, get this.. we used to be able to make up our time if we missed an hour or so for some sort of emergency but due to the economic crisis (I am so effing sick of the term economic crisis BTW) they have revoked that little perk.  We could come in on Saturday or whenever it was convenient as long as it was in the same week.  I get to take my vacation time for a mammogram and ultrasound.  Isn't that great!  If I were to take a vacation, I'd really rather my boobies got squished by the hands of Juan the pool boy, not some nursey chick with a robot machine.  For my sanity, and for the nosey ass people around me, I have made the executive decision to say I am taking the afternoon off for a massage.  I mean I AM going to be naked and wearing a robe.  I'll just visualize myself at the Equinox (an amazing hotel in VT).  And really, it is a massage of sorts... so it's not exactly a lie. 
 
Sigh.  Sometimes things just suck.  Wish me luck at the "spa".

15 Word Whine

That coughing kid I drugged with Nyquil? Yeah, he has pneumonia. Mother of the Year.

Why Yahoo? Why?

Why does my auto complete address book not work today? Why? It's upsetting to me. B/c you know, it takes a lot of effort to click on "insert address" and then scroll through a bunch of names and select the ones I want. It's wasting valuable time that could be spent reading blogs and playing solitaire on my computer.

house keep

My  back hurts.  I feel guilty for taking the “good” meds to stop the pain ‘cause they make me feel loopy and incapable of cleaning. The regular Tylenol isn’t strong enough, and so I’m in too much pain to do much. If The family gets home today and complains about not having a clean house? They’re gonna have to clean it, ‘cause today- I HURT bad enough to think about taking more than one of those fun little loopy pills. With rum.