Sunday, August 30, 2009

Daisies


The other day, Husbandrinka and I were driving along, and then I saw something ahead of us.
"Huh," I said. "I wonder what that is."
"Those are daisies," he told me.

Is it me, or do they look enormous?
It's the first time all summer it's been cool enough to wear jeans, but when I pulled them out of the closet, every single pair had shrunk.

Weird.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Why is it that some people think it is okay to tell you that they will talk to you later and then they disappear? This person lives a few states away so I don't have the opportunity to just run into them at the grocery or post office. The phone, text or email is it. And call me crazy, but in my etiquette book, when you actually tell someone, I can talk in a little while, then why the hell does it seem like this person fell off the face of the earth? Damn.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Shoo Shoe

Your shoes do not belong on the kitchen or dining room table. See that thing down there? It's called the FLOOR.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I hear enough belches all day long with the kids...

I don't need to sit here while trying to read, and have to listen instead to the disgusting *crunch, munch, slurp, slather, munch...buuuurrrrppppp* coming from your computer while you play video games with your brother. If his noises don't gross you out, then put on your damn headphones so I don't have to listen too. And if they do bother you, then tell him he needs to learn to say "excuse me." It's what I say all day long to our children. It shouldn't be that hard to try out on him too.

They do it in spring, in fact do that whole year around, plus in fall they add a new freaking dimension to freak me out! And boy, how they love to do it on weekend mornings (which are like mid-night for people like me)

Well, here I'm talking about 'bluudy grass mowers' , to be politically correct, this is nothing against the persons who do it , this rant is strictly against the bluudy contraptions they use to do it.

Every weekend morning, they decide to trim the grass right below my bedroom window and do it till I wake up and tear my hair in frustration.

Geez, can't they invent (here they being people who made such machines) some better device which doesn't make noise, or little noise. All they have now is some stupid machine which blurts noise like 100 jets revving up to take off right under my bedroom window.

And come fall, they come back in teams, one guy doing this usual lawn mowing stunt, and supporting cast guy does this leaves gathering act using some equally stupid device- which looks like as if he is scattering the leaves instead of collecting them using that big hose which blows air out of it, in fact more noise then air.

Male Mail

I left three stamped envelopes on the counter this morning. Bills: you know, like the mortgage payment. It is nearly the end of the month. And you had to text me at work to ask if they needed to be mailed?

15 Word Whine

I put on a brand new SILK skirt today. It has a spot on it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Not Hungry

When you offer to get dinner it means you are buying Chinese takeout. I cook 99% of the time without a thank you but you expect adulation for egg drop soup.

Help Me Understand

I was relieved we had eight smilie fries left to round out their gourmet dinner of corn dogs (State Fair, not Fletcher's) and fries. They threw the smilies in the trash. And then I ate them. Should I be concerned about this unhealthy relationship with food?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Vacation Whine

When I am on vacation, I would like for my children to get along.

Because my daughter putting a towel on her head and declaring "I am a queen" is ok, but my son retorting "the queen of Ugly, maybe" is more problematic.

I may need to hire actors in their place.
My kids spent most of the afternoon arguing over the correct pronunciation of the word "Tampon."

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

at the drop of a hat you turn into an ass

how many times do I do the hostess act for people I barely know that you bring home or invite over?

So when I invite someone who was almost like an honorary sister when I was growing up over for dinner in 5 days you get all huffy about having to hang out with someone you hardly know... There are times when I think your mouth and brain have been disconnected. You know those times when you say things that are completely insulting and obnoxious.


Submission

My daughter started coughing last night around 6pm. She coughed all night. This morning, my husband told me to take her to the doctor before our vacation tomorrow. She didn't cough all day. Not one tiny cough. So, I didn't take her. Now its bedtime, we leave tomorrow morning and she can't stop coughing. Great.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I'm sick of my grandparents and its not like they're going away soon, they live with my mom and me. I just can't take it much longer, and it's barely been three weeks. Thank God fall session starts next Monday and I'll be out of the house almost all the time.
Hannah

Vacation woes

I really want to take a mid-morning nap, but then the maid will skip my room and I'll have to make my own bed. What the hell kind of vacation would that be?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

When I'm angry, I cry







File:Waaah!.jpg
photo by the aptly named Kyle Flood
When I'm angry, I cry.

It gets in the way when arguing with a partner ("No, I'm not getting all emotional; just ignore those tears and listen to what I'm saying.") The eyelids brimming with tears really undercut my "behavior management" when I started teaching high school in Brooklyn, because if the one kid who was trying to push my buttons saw them, he'd zero in for the kill. There's no crying in baseball, no crying in front of a classroom and no damn crying when you're trying to be businesslike and professional.

But the frigging tears did me in again today, when I was trying to maintain my composure with the daycare director at Moochie's school. Arghh. Let me back up to this morning when we got a call from an alert woman from the school district who noticed that the preschool had Moochielisted for a totally different schedule than the one we agreed to (the one they maintained was the best one for her) in January.

She was supposed to have preschool in the afternoon and daycare (at the same facility) in the morning. So we planned to drop her there and have her bussed back home at the end of her day. They cancelled her daycare class and didn't tell us, then submitted a schedule to the district that would have her picked up in the AM for school, leaving us to get her in the afternoon.

Without calling us to explain, ask if this was cool, or, I don't know... apologize. Their attitude seemed to be "what's the difference, the other affected parents were cool with it; what's your deal?" (These others were notified, however.)

Well, I was mad and rightly so. We'd enrolled her for the summer because they said they needed 50% of the summer's cost anyway to guarantee her the spot we wanted. We figured, well, if we have to pay half anyway, she might as well attend. So that ended the search for a day camp and the kid would have to be satisfied with a water table and occasional run through the sprinklers.

But now the select spot had vanished, they didn't call to tell us and it's the middle of fucking August and we're leaving for vacation in a week. Fuckfuckfuck. (I pretty much stopped cursing when Moochie started talking, so I have a lot of curses stored in my brain as potential energy. They are leaking out now, so I apologize. I did start out with a "frigging" a couple of paragraphs ago, in my defense.)

Cut back to the preschool director's office. As I said, I know we're in the right here. So as I'm laying out my case and trying to get her to at least acknowledge that they dropped the damn ball, I did not need my eyeballs to be acting like they were watching a double feature of Terms of Endearment and An Affair to Remember. Goddamn traitorous eyeballs.

photo by Fotolia
I'm angry, not sad!






Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Owww!

My toe hurts so bad! I can't stand getting those snickering comments from people because I want painkiller...my husband being one of them. Hello - I'm only 5'1", that is a pretty big portion of my body (if you don't consider surface area of which I have more than most).

My poor broken toe hurts a LOT. And it's all my husband's fault. If he didn't clean my whole house while I was away, dumping all clutter from the rest of the house onto our bedroom floor for me to deal with, I would have had more space on my bedroom floor to throw my still packed suitcase and it wouldn't have felt the need to jump up and attack me (do suitcases get claustrophobic?)

Oh and what's this crap about the doctor not letting me have an appointment or painkiller until they actually get the X-Ray results? So, I actually have to wait 3 days to get any relief. Day 1 being the day I thought I could suffer silently, Day 2 being the day I had to wait for childcare to get my X-ray and Day 3 being the day that I hope to get results (although the X-ray tech already told me she's pretty sure at least one toe is broken). And yes, I have had 2 children (by C-section)...at the moment this hurts worse because I had drugs then. And the hardest thing is that I want to write all about my Vegas trip, but am in so much pain that I can only whine.

The Other Boufs

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Et tu twitter?

My whine is that I came up with this great title for a whine (see above) but it doesn't really make sense. "Et tu twitter" implies (1) that there was another social media tool that got hacked this week rather than twitter twice. But "Again with the being down?" doesn't have the same catchiness.


1) Infers?

Monday, August 10, 2009

Wedgie

Why did a grown ass man stand in front of me on the subway and dig that wedgie out of his grown ass?

Because it's going to take many gin & tonics to erase that image.

Friday, August 7, 2009

secret spineless whine.

My Dearest Hubs,

The past two days I've realized that inside that 29 year old, muscled up, oh-so-manly body of yours hides a 4 year old girl. I realize that your dental work has been painful. I also realize you clearly aren't accustomed to such pain. However, the whining, moaning, and groaning performances you've given me since Tuesday are simply too much for me to handle any longer. Yes, dental work is painful. We've all been there. And some of us (gasp!) have actually experienced real (non-dental) pain in our lifetimes. Hard to imagine, I know. Your measly little tooth pain isn't enough to "haul ass to the emergency room RIGHT NOW for a morphine drip." Sorry kid. They'd laugh us out of the damn waiting room.

So my dear, listen closely. Grow a pair. Take some percocet. And shut the fuck up.

-Your loving and adoring wife

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Twitter is Down and I am Going Through Withdrawal

Where else can I post mindless drivel, where?
Oh.
There is still a full month before school starts and I have officially run out of things to do with my kids.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sorry

Not to put the whole kabosh on a good cursing rant...because I LOVE them...but I can't stand when we feel the need to throw it around in the title of the entry. I know what I'm getting into when I click over. I appreciate it, actually. I also love having this blog on my blogroll (because I want to know the second someone has posted something juicy), but I really hate having all of my 3 readers see Mr. F-bomb right on my blog.

Monday, August 3, 2009

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Co-worker...because of you, I think I need to go to the doctor and get some Xanax!
Why the hell do you feel it is necessary to run to my office twenty times on one subject. Take a fucking moment, gather your thoughts and come talk to me. One trip to my office about your concerns will be a thousand times more effective than you coming in here twenty times a day trying to word your same concern in different ways.
Do you not realize that you are not being productive? And my productivity suffers when I have to stop what I am doing to listen to you because you didn't convey all your thoughts in the first nineteen trips to my office.
You are so fucking scatterbrained! I don't know how anyone can put up with you as long as they have.
When I interviewed for this job, you were in the office, and the boss asked how I would handle working with sometimes difficult people. No worries, I've worked with difficult people in the past..I can keep my composure. Plus, I thought I knew who he was talking about, and she and I actually got along fairly well. Little did I know he was talking about YOU!
You are hard-headed, stubborn, not open to anyone's ideas but your own and you wear on EVERYONES LAST NERVE!
I really like my job, and I like all the other people in the office, but I don't know how much more of you I can handle.
When are you going to retire? It can't come soon enough.