Friday, October 30, 2009

There's no Great Pumpkin.

It’s October 30. Why can’t I find any pumpkin pie in the stores? None! I had to put my tub of Cool-Whip back….

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Whoever said lying doesn't pay


clearly never looked at someone's sitemeter page

Monday, October 26, 2009

Driven

My sixteen year old son's car is newer than mine.

15 word crowing

One of my chickens turned out to be a rooster.  Fried chicken at my house!

People Who Lie on Their Blogs

really chap my ass.

And that's the truth.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I want to be alone

why can't he get it that when I say I want to be left alone I mean for him to leave me alone except when what I really what is for his to hold me long and hard and close and help me to feel not so alone?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

No, I Don't Want to Pay More

Last week, when I saw my therapist told me that she raised her rates and wants me to pay more.  I made an "ug" noise and she told me to "think about it."  Well, I thought about it and I still don't want to pay more. I mean, who wants to pay more?  But more than not wanting to pay more, I don't want to have lengthy therapeutic discussions about why I don't want to pay more and how being asked to pay more makes me feel.


Elitist?

I'm at a place in my life where I have the resources to hire a maid. I worked hard to put my husband through school. I've had three children, and I spend all.day.looooong. with them. I work hard. And I shouldn't feel bad about hiring someone to help out around the house. But I do. I feel like an elitist. I fear I'm becoming the very person I abhor. Do I really have more money than brains?

I can't complain about this to most folks about this. "Oh...poor thing. You have more money than you know what to do with. Money to hire babysitters and a maid and someone to wash the dogs. Your life must be so hard."

I don't want to be that person, but I really love walking into a clean house.

(Also, I simply can't call her "my maid". She doesn't belong to me.)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

How is it that at the ripe old age of grown-up-with-a-child-thank-you-very-much I managed to leak through my pad and get blood on my jeans? You'd think I know how to handle this stuff by now.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Leaning Tower of Breakfast Dishes




because the dishwasher is five very long inches away.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

got a mind of my own, thanks

Well, Boss you thought you could convince me with your fear-mongering, constant pressure and over-bearing coercion that I should get a swine flu shot. You even told me that your colleagues are firing any employees who don't get the vaccine. When I told you I don't get vaccines for religious reasons, your only response was "well, if it is a religious reason, I guess I can't force you to get it." Really? You thought threatening me with job termination would force me to inject mercury, formaldehyde, and other known toxins into my body? My faith and piety is a bit stronger than that. I'll go broke before I put that garbage into my body. Oh, and I STILL have my job. Thanks!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Pregnant Driving Whine

Is it just me, or do other drivers get stupider when you're pregnant? I mean really, the people I have driven behind ( and next to and in front of...) in the last 8 weeks have all been super idiots. And I really don't think it has anything to do with my hormones...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Woman be not Proud: A Haiku

My first mammogram.

“You’ll feel some pressure…Stay still.”

Humiliating.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

student athlete whine

When you turned in your first paper, and it was suspiciously good for a remedial writing student, I asked you about it and you admitted that you had gotten a friend of yours to "revise it." Then I said I wouldn't fail you this time, but that you need to get me your original draft that you wrote yourself so that I could grade that. That was 2 weeks ago, and everytime I ask about it you say you have to get it off of your computer, your printer is broken, etc. Now you have turned in a second paper that is also suspiciously good for a remedial writing student, without having turned in your first paper draft yet.
I don't think you took me seriously when I said that I could fail you for this blatant plagiarism. The fact that you're a star football player with athletic academic advisors emailing me to make sure you're doing all right doesn't matter to me at all. You're fucked.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Mother-in-Law Whine

Dear Mother-in-Law,

Unfortunately for us (and, apparently, you), you are NOT dying (yet). Which means that this phase in my life with your son is not about you. In fact, it is not even close to being about you. When you do die (finally), I will make sure that everyone knows it is about you... but until that time, back the fuck off.

Love,
Scapegoat Daughter-in-Law

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Yet another teenage angst

Yep, same old story heard the world over:

I am a girl. I like a boy. He is my best friend, and although I am well aware of his faults I have to admit that I often wish that we were more than just friends, although I had never let it get in the way.
Thing is, I have a skewed view on romance, as in I really don't get it. I've seen all my friends get screwed over by people they loved and I was adamant not to let it happen to me, so I just never told anyone I fancied them. On top of that, I was bullied a few years back and then harassed by a classmate and so I had a whole pile of hangups that meant that I was afraid of letting people near me, both emotionally and physically. Then I met this friend, and over time I grew to trust him. Somehow he put up with my stupid phobias and mannerisms and saw me as an equal person and good friend. To this day, he is the only person to have actually calmed me down from the brink of a major panic attack/fainting thing. For a long time we maintained the "just friends" thing very well, even when everyone else thought we were a couple because of our closeness, or the closest approximation to closeness you'll get out of me.

And then of course, teenage hormones got in the way and I started wanting to be more than just friends. I kept it quiet for a few months because it was the first time in a long time I'd liked someone, and because he is, to be honest, a complete hopeless romantic, I was afraid of hurting him because I'm pretty unromantic and at times I can come across as cold. For example, I have days where I can't stand to be touched. Also, he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to complicate things.
Eventually it became known among my circle of friends that I did like someone, and out of curiosity he asked me who it was. At first I didn't tell him, and then one day a month or two after he first asked, I told him. After a moment of quiet, he told me I was brave, and then nothing else happened. He has since broken up with his girlfriend (he'd been uncomfortable in the relationship for a while) and has now developed a crush on a girl at his new school and is chasing after her.

Okay, I don't mind if he doesn't like me. I can deal with that. Odds are I'd be a pretty terrible girlfriend; I'm a good gig-buddy but intimacy is beyond me, so I would understand if he said that. But the thing is, he hasn't said anything either way. He's just gone chasing after this new girl leaving me with a huge question mark hovering over me. Another friend rang him to try and get his side of the story and he said that I know the score. But I don't. I have no idea where I stand here, and every time I see him I'm so glad that things haven't gone completely weird between us and we're still good friends, but I can't help but feel like my insides have been walked all over. So I still cheer him up when his romantic problems get him down by chatting for ages about music and books and maybe even giving him a hug which is still a rare thing from me, and when we talk it is still the highlight of the week/month. But I just need to know. It's eating me up inside. He's doing this because he's afraid of hurting me and I don't have the heart to say to him that not telling me is hurting me even more.
After a while to think, I realise I should've just kept my damn mouth shut and killed the feeling but still... just tell me where I stand. I don't care where it is. Could be right next to you, could be a little way away, could be out in the middle of nowhere. But please say so I can stop feeling like this.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Now that I think of it

I think DH is hiding money from me too. Because we don't have $230,000 in our joint checking account.
damn.

Monday, October 5, 2009

You're not listening

So, the DH is a water master. A new chlorinating system was just put in...I get a glass of water. Oh. Dear. My. "Hey guy, I think you have problems w/your chlorine."
He takes a sip. "Yeh, you can taste it."
Me, "Ah, yes..."
"Well, it's running about 1.5 which is a little strong, but when we had water quality problems about 2 years ago, I used to run it there all the time and you used to drink the water. It has been much lower lately and you're just not used to it."
"Really???"
"Yes, it will be fine."
"Well, if I were you, I'd check those figures again, and meanwhile I'm not drinking this.."
Several hours later... "Guy?. Water's not getting any better, in fact I think it's worse."
Long story short. He assures me, his buddy, who is the one with the testing meter, assures him it's all good. But they go to the pump house to check things out anyway. Come back. They've made adjustments. Under control. Meanwhile, I've got my store bought bottled water firmly in hand. People are calling. What the heck is going on, they want to know? So, next morning, I start breakfast, run some water for cooked cereal and remember water problems. Dang. Start to pour water out. I can smell it. Not cooking/eating that! DH is standing behind me and tells me if I boil it the chlorine will boil off. Yes, it will. But hey, guy, WE STILL HAVE A PROBLEM. I get the look. Several hours later I get a phone call. He needs the number for DOH quick. Apparently chlorinating system has malfunctioned. (Really? Chlorine is now at a point where if it was in my swimming pool one would have assumed that it had just been shocked and all swimmers would need to stay out until it dissipated....) There is a problem. His buddy has misread the meter.....
"You think?"
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha....
Just saying....

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What the Heck, Hollywood?

I don't understand why everyone is bending over backwards defending Roman Polanski. When the priests were sodomizing children, no one applauded like this. I guess it is all in the lighting.