Dear Pet Owners,
Look, I don't care about your pets. I lie about the severity of my allergies just to keep me from having to go to your stinking, nasty house where animals live indoors. Don't kid yourself--it's not healthy for them or you. You may think you keep your house clean--you don't. You may not think it smells like cat litter or wet fur--it does. You just don't notice it anymore because you live in it. Also, your pets are not some magically altruistic friends and companions, who only think happy thoughts. They don't think much at all. They react. They are a-n-i-m-a-l-s. In the wild, they would eat you. If left without food long enough--they still would. They don't "care"; they don't "love" you. You are totally delusional. Even if I liked your pets, I still wouldn't need to hear stories about them. For godssake, unless it's The Secret of NIHM, keep your animal stories to yourself. And finally, if you treated people half as decently as you treat your pets, or spent half as much money to feed and house people, the world would be a better place for all of us.
Snakes and scales and puppy dog tails.