I am not responsible...

For shit I hit with my car backing out of the garage. Period.

 

I *do not* routinely check underneath or behind my car before getting into it and driving away. I was educated at a state school in Florida, not by the g-damn Secret Service. If I could carry a gun, then maybe I would…nah, I still wouldn’t do it.

 

So, beware! Golf clubs, step ladders, tools, helmets, balls, spray cans, garbage, dumbbells, midgets, deer and unicorns – I will run over you!