Hey. I know you have a hardass for a boss, and you have to pay two women child support every month. I know what your mother is like - I've been married to your brother for almost five years now. So you totally earned your vacation. That is not in dispute.
And truly, your brother and I were so excited when you said you wanted to come visit us for your vacation. We haven't seen anyone in three months, having moved 12 hours away from, well, pretty much everybody we know. Your nephew and nieces were terribly excited, too - they love to see their uncle! He's so fun! He reads stories and plays and treats them like people, not just annoyances.
But you brought your friend. The lush. The dude that your brother dislikes for being a total a-hole to you on a regular basis for the last, oh, ten years or so. And he slept on my floor for five days. And told me about his sexual exploits with his ex-girlfriend. And, oh yeah, completely ignored the fact that my kids lived here and acted like they were jerks for wanting to do the same thing they do every morning EVER, FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS (watch PBS, by the way) because he was too busy SLEEPING OFF HIS HANGOVER. One day, your brother got up for work at the same time you two were getting in in the morning. Seriously? But again, it's your vacation, I'll bite my tongue, and hope you have a great vacation.
I thought I'd gotten over it until I heard that you took off for another night out with this SAME LUSH this week and were gone for two days. Really? How did work like that? How'd your three kids like that? Hope you make it home in time for the Easter Egg Hunt on Sunday, jerk. Oh, and btw, Grandma's sister died. Your mom's been trying to get ahold of you, but for some reason, you haven't been returning her calls. You might want to call Grandma.