Thursday, May 20, 2010

A ballet mom whine

This is the 4th show all of us moms have received an e-mail asking us to 'Please look in your child's ballet bag and with their costumes. We're missing Spoiled-Brat-Daughter's (fill in the blank here). Please make sure you didn't put in with your child's stuff." Only to receive an e-mail 24 hours later with, "Oops. We found it."
This is how it works:
1. Label each piece of your child's costume (including shoes and tights) as well as the clothing they wear to and from the theater. And, for that matter, their DS, DS games, and toys.
2. Double check BEFORE you leave the theater that you have all parts of your child's costume. (and other crap)
3. If you arrive home and are missing a costume piece, assume it's there somewhere and LOOK AGAIN.
4. If you STILL don't find it, go back to the theater and hunt there. No, you may not shortcut this step by calling the dance teacher(s) or theater staff to perform the search for you.
5. If steps 2-4 are still unsuccessful, lecture your daughter -- and yourself -- about the proper care of their dance costume(s) and write off the missing piece as a learning experience.
6. Do not stand around and talk about how you're tired of things going missing at the theater if you haven't taken the proper steps to care for, be responsible for, and teach responsibility for belongings to Spoiled-Brat-Daughter. Especially if you haven't completed steps 2-4 which have yielded the missing costume piece every single time.
7. Assume that all the other parents have something better to do than
a.) look for your daughter's costume -- which they certainly don't have
b.) listen to you bitch about things being missing -- when they really aren't
c.) worry that there might actually be someone stealing items during ballets and recitals -- when there's not
d.) run around with a stray costume piece after a performance trying to locate its owner -- especially if it's not labeled!!
Upon completing step 7 please move on to the next section, which will be titled: How To Pull Your Head Out Of Your Ass And Teach Your Child To Be Kind, Patient, and Respectful Even If You're Not


country mouse said...

I'm so *totally* with you on this one. And furthermore, anyone who has ever been backstage at a dance performance and has witnessed the truly hurculean efforts and the multimultimulti-tasking being performed by the dance teachers, school director and the dozen or so volunteers it takes to pull off such a show should KNOW not to even bother asking one of those people if they know about Spoiled Brat Daughter's missing costume piece. It's unthinkable to burden those folks with one more detail.

Grrrr . . .

Yep, I'm a former dance mom.

Anonymous said...

I think it took you more time to gripe about this woman than it would have to just ignore her in the first place.

Marinka said...

I'm concerned that Anonymous doesn't quite get the concept and beauty of whining.

Anonymous said...

Oh I get the concept, Marinka and I quite like the process. I just think that some people are just not worth the energy that is required to sustain their life on this planet. Those people just deserve to be ignored.