Monday, August 30, 2010
What moron thought that this would be a great idea?
Is it for people who love both boots and sandals, and yet can only afford one or the other? Well, at just over $500 a pair, these women now don't-have-to-choose! Oh, if only Sophie had it this easy!
Special thanks to @Taradublinrocks for tweeting this abomination!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It's a holiday night, it's right after exam results, and I'm not out partying with my friends and celebrating. Dear god, my nearest friend is fifty miles away anyway. No: instead, I'm sat inside with my laptop on my knees, reading badly-written racy amateur fiction on FictionPress.com. I put on makeup and got dressed up to go and do my grocery shopping at ASDA today because I go out so little that ASDA seems like the place to wear four-inch heels. I've never gone out clubbing in my life, because I prefer to spend my money on silly clothes with sillier names from designer labels nobody's heard of and so I'm flat broke most of the time. I don't even drink or smoke, but I do dress like a crazy little Victorian girl with a floral pattern obsession, and the most human contact I get in a day is the stares when I walk down the street to get another bottle of flavoured water.
And, you know, I'm not quite sure how this happened. Because most of the time I feel all WHOO YEH! I'M SINGLE! NO RISK OF ARBITRARY HEARTBREAK! and then things go wrong a bit, I lose my job in a budget cut, I struggle with the rent and my landlady shouts at me, my growing student debt waves a cheerful hand with the latest letter, and it hits me like OH FUCK, I'M SINGLE. My last courtship was several years ago, and it lasted two months; a neurotic, clingy dork with no respect for personal boundaries. No, make that my only courtship. Ever.
Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I use words like 'courtship', but it strikes me that not being disablingly ugly, thick or having disgusting habits, I really should be able to find someone. Nay, by all accounts I'm a pretty and intelligent young woman, and I still can't find a date. If the fifty-ton man could get a girlfriend, what the hell's stopping me?
...Or maybe I should just get out more.
A Grateful, yet Anonymously Sad Singleton
Sunday, August 22, 2010
binge, stayed out all night and most of the next day after springing
your plans on me with little notice. Are we really going to do this
all over again? Sure you actually came home this time but we have
plans in the morning and I' the one who has to get up with our child
and make sure Daddy isn't woken up because he had a late night...ummm
yeah I don't think that's gonna happen. Get ready for an early wake up
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Karma will get you one day for bashing that softball size rock on my daughter’s car and causing that big dent that will take a new hood to fix. A car that she worked all summer to earn money to buy and is paying me back on the couple hundred she had to borrow so she had it in time for school, so I did not have to change my schedule to take her. She is a much better person than I because I would like to take that rock and put it through the windshield of that new Explorer that your mommy bought you.
Friday, August 6, 2010
No, it is NOT okay for you to invite your son to a sleepover at MY house. The last (any only) time he came over he made a huge pee mess on the toilet seat in the bathroom and wouldn't stop insisting that he watch movies that I don't feel are appropriate for my 10 year old. All this, and you've never once offered to have either of my kids over to YOUR house for a sleepover. Seriously? We are not good enough friends for that. Plus, my hubby doesn't even like your family, so that makes it even harder to get together. Stop inviting yourself to things at MY house!!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
experience I had fantasized about when I was pregnant. Well, for about
5 days of my pregnancy before I was told that I was having twins. You,
mom of just one baby, can go wherever you want. Sit with said baby at
Starbucks. Take said baby to the pool with you. Drop said baby off
with the grandparents so you can go get a pedicure (did I also mention
I am jealous of you because your parents live nearby?). Pass said baby
off to husband so you can eat your meal in peace instead of both of
you having to struggle to eat while monitoring/holding/wrangling two
mobile crazies in a house where people think it's ok to have glass end
tables and sharp edged doo hickeys laying around. You can also more
than likely afford to put said baby in mother's day out when she's
ready. Heck, even if you just stay home, you can hold your baby when
she cries instead of having to choose which one gets held and which
one has to cry in the swing. Yes, you may think having a baby is hard
work, but you have no idea what hard work is until you try to
breastfeed preemie twins on a never ending 3 hour schedule, in which
you're lucky if you get 90 minutes of sleep before you have to start
again. No idea.
And now that I have an infant #3, I am also jealous of YOU, mom of
just twins. How crazy is that?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry