Thursday, August 19, 2010

my secret spineless whine

Dear Husband,
 
Thank you for waking me at 3:00 am to look at the pile of dog diarrhea on the floor. You were already cleaning it up, did you need to be comforted while doing so, because really, was it necessary for me to be woken out of a sound sleep and trudge out to the living room to view the liquidy ooze? Did you need confirmation that it was indeed a pile of runny dog shit and not some alien life form that had slunk into our house to eat your brains? At that moment I was questioning whether your brains had been sucked out of your head because THREE FUCKING AM.
 
That damn dog eats her own shit and the occassional gopher, so periodic bouts of dog diarrhea are not uncommon, remember? She'd eat your shit right out of the toilet as if it were a gourmet meal if she had the chance. This is why she is not allowed to put her tongue anywhere near my face.
 
The next time you wake me up at that hour to verify the existence of dog shit on the floor, I might just have to rub your nose in it.
 
Your loving irritated wife.

6 comments:

Sarah said...

Okay, a bit divided on this because he WAS cleaning it up. But, I have to admit, I'd kill my hubby too. Seriously, like you haven't seen enough of it in your life.

A Mom on Spin said...

My husband did the EXACT same thing with cat vomit. . .

Sarah said...

THANK YOU! My husband does this too! Why, I couldn't frickin tell you. I have a hunch that it's because he wants to to offer to help him. I never do, yet he continues to have me look. Freak!

Anonymous said...

It's hard enough not feeling resentful when woken up for sex. But dog diarrhea?

Anonymous said...

At least he WAS cleaning it up. Mine would have ignored it until the morning and then told me about it as he was walking out the door to go to work. But I still feel for you, men can be such helpless idiots.

ReaderRita said...

Oh, sweet Jesus- "Look, one of the cats barfed"
12 hours later, I step in a crusty mess of cat barf. Grrr.....