|Seedless watermelon should be seedless dammit!|
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
everything, I finally have Rx and vitamins to address them and I feel
better than I have in YEARS. Screw you all who told me that I was just
depressed when I complained how tired and exhausted I have been.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Please be aware that the seat back in front of you at the stadium-seating-movie-theater is not for your feet. It doesn't matter if there is no one seated there now. It doesn't matter if your tired. It doesn't matter if your tall. Someone's head will eventually have to sit where your dirty feet are now.
Also, note that though my nose was at least a yard away, I could detect a foul odor reeking from your feet. How it's possible that feet that are completely covered can stink that bad is beyond me. Have you been wearing the same socks all year? That is indeed why I changed seats.
I feel sorry for that blond that went with you. Oh yeah, when you put your stinky feet down, can you also let her know that it is not OK to talk in her living-room voice while the movie is running? On second thought, you two are made for each other.
Next time, will you do us all a favor and wait until the DVD comes out, or learn the difference between the local cineplex and your living room, oh and wash your feet now and then. Remember, change your socks every day.
I can't believe I'm wishing for the days when all I had to complain about at the theater was texting.
Thanks, until never, I hope,
Disgruntled Movie Watcher.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
While melting the candy coating I decide to check my online insurance
EOB statements and find out $250 of standard labwork is not covered.
WTF????? Burned the damn coating // no balls // kitchen stinks. :(
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I would like you to know it's getting increasingly more difficult for me to hold my tongue and not tell you (every time I see you) that you have completely lost your damn mind...again. I know you've been lonely since your divorce two years ago, the divorce you caused by cheating on your wife basically from the day you started dating. I know you had a bad year last year as you whored your way through a whopping total of 29 girls (that I know about), aged 18-43 respectively, including one pregnancy scare and one trip to the doctor to get a shitload of antibiotics.
When you met Her a few months ago, you were still just playing around. In fact, you couldn't even decide if you'd rather sleep with Her or her sister. You picked Her. The one with a child. And now, 5 months later, you're getting married.
You, who have never been able to be faithful to a single person, including Her so far (gasp!), have decided you want to get married again... at her persistent urging, of course. You, who cannot make a decision to save your life OR tell anyone NO to anything, have decided you've turned over a new leaf and will be the perfect model husband. You, who won't just have an impact on Her life when you cheat again but her child's as well, want a delusional happily ever after. You, HAVE LOST YOUR GOD DAMN MIND. And for that matter, so has She.
Good luck and best wishes to you both on your upcoming nuptials.
Your Best Friend
|If no one in this office would talk to me for the rest of the day that would be freakin' sweet. I hate them all. None of the asinine conversations that have been thrust upon me this morning have been work related. I don't care about your dog, I don't think the world is going to end on Saturday, I don't care what you had for breakfast, I don't care what your kid got on his math test. Why won't they just shut up and leave me alone?|
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
OK, OK, I admit it. I've been watching waaaaayyyyy too much The Housewives of Beverly Hills and New York City. Yes, that's just as sad and pathetic, if not, more so.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I assure you, when YOUR child gets Bar mitzvahed, this will irk you too, and you will have NO recollection that you were once this obtuse.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
|I told my coworker that I had been out of the office yesterday because my cat is sick. She had not seemed like she was feeling well for a while. Turns out she has a growth in her mouth and had to have several teeth out. Not sure yet what the growth was, but when I told my co worker about this she proceeded to tell me a detailed story about the horrible death of her mother in laws cat from mouth cancer. Then she told me my cat was probably doomed. What a bitch. |
Monday, February 14, 2011
1. If you spend more than 5% of the phone call talking/laughing/yelling at other people in the SAME ROOM as you, get off the phone and talk to THEM.
2. If you are doing household chores, don't call me to "keep you company".
3. If you are performing acts of personal hygiene, such as bathing/waxing your various parts etc. Fuck off. That shit is personal and NOBODY wants to listen to you do it.
4. If you have already called me at least once today, put the phone DOWN and wait until tomorrow or even next week.
5. If you don't have anything important to say, GOODBYE bitch.
One would *think* these would be common-sense for most people.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
dreamt and what actually happened. My mother fell asleep on the couch,
I woke her up to send her to bed and she then shouted at me for ten
minutes about not letting me cut fabric samples because I hadn't done
any work, when I laughed she gave me a further bollocking because I
was being rude to her?! WTF?! Go to bed woman!! Just for that I'll
leave you to sleep on the couch.
I can't wait to move out.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I understand that when you're 20, skinny, but with gigantic natural boobs, and have a slightly smaller version of J-Lo's ass (but with no cellulite), that you want to show off your assets via the only way you kids know how... bikini pictures on Facebook. I get it. If I looked like that I may even be tempted to do the same. I, however, don't actually need to worry about that...nor will I ever.
When I was younger, my Mama told me not to reveal everything. Leave a little something to the imagination. Stay decent. Stay respectable. Wear a swimsuit that, if you were to jump or be pushed into the water, you'd exit the water with your suit still in place with little or no adjustment. One that wouldn't cause the whole family to blush.
Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm an old, haggard, jealous wife. I'm not. Promise. My Hubs can look at your pics all he wants. Really. My hang up is... would your Daddy be okay with your display? How about your Grandmother? How about your 9 year old brother? How about your future kids in x number of years? You really think they'd be proud of your boobs coming out of everywhere and your barely covered ass?
I think not. So Generation Whatever-The-Hell-Ya'll-Are-Called-Now, please cover your shit up or better yet, don't post it on your damn Facebook page. Let me tell you a little secret... Back in the olden days (like, you know, like, back in, like, 1996, gah?), you had two forms of photographic evidence to destroy should you need to hide something before your children got their grimy little paws on it years later...negatives and actual paper photos. Nowadays, if you post photographic evidence of your shenanigans (and ass) on Facebook, that shit isn't going anywhere. Ever.
The (slightly jealous) Old Lady With Manners, Decency, and Common Sense
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
If ONE more person tells me to just relax and it will happen I will rip ONE of my useless ovaries out and throw it at them. That's not how it works if you have a legitimate medical condition, sorry to burst your bubble.
If just ONE sperm would meet up with ONE egg (which is never there) I would be willing to throw a parade.
Until then it's just ONE more needle stick, ONE more round of medication, ONE more negative test.
ONE more day, ONE more month, ONE more year, ONE more lifetime of trying and failing, of being defective, of being broken.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Today is our fourteenth anniversary! YAY! I spent the day excited about where we might go for dinner to celebrate! YAY! When I got home, my husband told me he has been miserable for years, everything I say annoys him, and he's moving out! yay.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Let me sing it for you:
One less bell to answer
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
and I am!
That is all.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Neither do I!
So why do you do it, over and over again?
And when I get a grande coffee and you charge me for a grande latte and I point it out to you, is it medically necessary to roll your eyes before crediting your mistake to my card?
Because in our society, the correct response is "oh, I'm sorry."