Thursday, February 3, 2011

Three triangles and string do not equal a swimsuit.

Dear (early) 20 year olds on Facebook,
 
I understand that when you're 20, skinny, but with gigantic natural boobs, and have a slightly smaller version of J-Lo's ass (but with no cellulite), that you want to show off your assets via the only way you kids know how... bikini pictures on Facebook. I get it. If I looked like that I may even be tempted to do the same. I, however, don't actually need to worry about that...nor will I ever.
 
When I was younger, my Mama told me not to reveal everything. Leave a little something to the imagination. Stay decent. Stay respectable. Wear a swimsuit that, if you were to jump or be pushed into the water, you'd exit the water with your suit still in place with little or no adjustment. One that wouldn't cause the whole family to blush.
 
Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm an old, haggard, jealous wife. I'm not. Promise. My Hubs can look at your pics all he wants. Really. My hang up is... would your Daddy be okay with your display? How about your Grandmother? How about your 9 year old brother? How about your future kids in x number of years? You really think they'd be proud of your boobs coming out of everywhere and your barely covered ass?
 
I think not. So Generation Whatever-The-Hell-Ya'll-Are-Called-Now, please cover your shit up or better yet, don't post it on your damn Facebook page. Let me tell you a little secret... Back in the olden days (like, you know, like, back in, like, 1996, gah?), you had two forms of photographic evidence to destroy should you need to hide something before your children got their grimy little paws on it years later...negatives and actual paper photos. Nowadays, if you post photographic evidence of your shenanigans (and ass) on Facebook, that shit isn't going anywhere. Ever.
 
Sincerely,
The (slightly jealous) Old Lady With Manners, Decency, and Common Sense

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Me? I have to lecture my kids about the danger of posting pictures with their mouths wide open. "Oh Mom! Stop! You are so GROSS!"