To my (incredibly stupid, immature, and ridiculous) best friend of several years,
I would like you to know it's getting increasingly more difficult for me to hold my tongue and not tell you (every time I see you) that you have completely lost your damn mind...again. I know you've been lonely since your divorce two years ago, the divorce you caused by cheating on your wife basically from the day you started dating. I know you had a bad year last year as you whored your way through a whopping total of 29 girls (that I know about), aged 18-43 respectively, including one pregnancy scare and one trip to the doctor to get a shitload of antibiotics.
When you met Her a few months ago, you were still just playing around. In fact, you couldn't even decide if you'd rather sleep with Her or her sister. You picked Her. The one with a child. And now, 5 months later, you're getting married.
You, who have never been able to be faithful to a single person, including Her so far (gasp!), have decided you want to get married again... at her persistent urging, of course. You, who cannot make a decision to save your life OR tell anyone NO to anything, have decided you've turned over a new leaf and will be the perfect model husband. You, who won't just have an impact on Her life when you cheat again but her child's as well, want a delusional happily ever after. You, HAVE LOST YOUR GOD DAMN MIND. And for that matter, so has She.
Good luck and best wishes to you both on your upcoming nuptials.
Your Best Friend