Friday, March 25, 2011

whine for the day

Would all of you Americans who feel the need to do the double cheek air kiss greeting please tell me why you do???!  And then, would you please get over yourself?!!  You are not European. You are an American, living in America with American friends.  It comes off as a blatant and pathetic attempt to convince yourself that you are living some sort of sophisticated, cultured European life, yet, you are sadly and clearly not living in your reality.  You look ridiculous and as insincere as your fake hair color.

OK, OK, I admit it.  I've been watching waaaaayyyyy too much The Housewives of Beverly Hills and New York City.  Yes, that's just as sad and pathetic, if not, more so. 


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

momma growls

My name would never cross anyone's mind when it comes time to hand out the Most Patient Mom award, granted.  But I have zero patience when it comes to three-minutes-before-bedtime foraging for school supplies.  Get your arse in bed, Momma growls.  

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Watch out for your nuts

My husband is a great man who would do anything for his real friends. Even his not so real friends. So when you bail on his poker night that he planned himself for his own birthday? You kind of look like an asshole. And when you don't even bother to respond at all? You look like an even bigger asshole. Since when do people think it's ok not to respond to invites from their best friends? You hurt his feelings, and that pisses me off.

When you mess with my man, you mess with me, and right now I want to punch you in the nuts. Or just ignore any invite you send our way. But we won't do that, because we're good friends. Which is more than I can say for you.

P.S. The same goes for 1 year old birthday parties. All I ask for is a simple email of "sorry, we can't make it." There, was that so hard? You don't even have to call me and tell me in person.

You really make me question our friendship.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It's a Bar Mitzvah, not a back-yard picnic

So, NO, it is NOT ok if you decide the day before if you want to bring your kids. You got the invitation a month ago and there's a respond by date on the little card thingee and on the day after that date I forward a head count to my caterer and she charges me for that number of people.

I assure you, when YOUR child gets Bar mitzvahed, this will irk you too, and you will have NO recollection that you were once this obtuse.